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Here I GO

Well:eek:,   I am very nervous! I have BCBS of RI and everything has been submitted to my physician, Dr. Steinberg as of today.   Now, I have to wait to hear from the insurance company. I have heard that Shawna is very good at getting everything together for the office.   I really hope to get approval. I started this whole journey on 05/15/08, when I went to the information meeting. Since then, I have done all of the footwork. The psych clearence took the longest, which is no surprise. I do have issues with food.:tt2:, obviously. I want to do everything correctly this time. Which includes going to meetings and continuing with my therapy.   I think the excercise and diet stuff will be easy, compared to that.   tick tock.......
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
 

Getting a little closer

Well, At this point I just need to have the GB ultrasound and the upper GI. Then, I go to see Dr. Steinberg for my surgery date. It looks like it will be sometime in October.   It is still far away, but it seems more of a reality. I am conflicted as to who I should tell and when...I will think about it.
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

3
 

Diet? What Diet?????????????

Okay, so here I am. I really did try, I lost 10lbs, but..well..I cheated and I need to get back on track.   I was hungry and out and about, so I stopped and got not one but 2 large fries!!! WHAT!??? They tasted sooo good. I really need this surgery. I get into trouble with I feel hungry and I have too many choices.   But this morning I am back on the ball, I had some oatmeal and I am drinking coffee, which is another issue I am going to have to deal with! I really only went off the plan for that one meal, but, I need to be more careful and pack snacks with me, especially if I am going to run errands.   I am down to 11 more days, and I cannot wait! I am excited for the surgerya dn the time off work....WHOOOO HOOOOO!!
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
 

Days 7 and 8

I did not feel like posting yesterday. No reason, just got lazy. I was on the forum, just reading, I really enjoy that.   Yesterday was Sunday, so my husband wanted us to start going to church. I best describe myself as a Christian, but I don't neccessarily think one needs to go to church every Sunday. However, I do enjoy it. Yesterday the guest preacher talked about us being perfect, because we were created by God. I do believe that, but since God gave us free will and after all, we are only human, I don't necssarily see anything wrong with one wanting to improve himself. He mainly was talking about people in the magazines who are desperately skinny and the ones who have multiple plastic surgeries. There is a difference between what I am doing and someone who wants larger breasts and less facial wrinkles. Breasts and wrinkles do not result in serious health issues, like diabetes, heart dz, stroke, etc. But I do get it there is going to have to be a point were I am satisfied with who I am and what I look like.   I never wanted to be so thin, my ribs show! Yuck. When I was a student nurse in college, we worked on a psych-medical unit. A lot of the patients were anorexics. I mean, these were young girls my age at the time (18), who weighed no more than 80 or so pounds. I just thought how sad and what is going on with them that they don't want to eat! Well, that is what I was learning about. But none the less, I did not aspire to look like that or even close, ever!   I just want to be healthy, eat well, and live an active lifestlye. Not too much to ask but I do need to set a goal for myself before I actually go in for the surgery. I am thinking 165lbs would be good for me. That would be 100lbs less than I am now. We shall see..:thumbup:
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

2
 

Days 3 and 4

I did not blog yesterday because I was depressed. It is so weird to be depressed over food! I ate well, napped, did some homework and then I went for a walk with my dog, Bimini.   The walking did help, it was a beautiful day in Atlanta. I just felt sad that I have to make these changes for life. I know it is the best thing for me, but it is like saying goodbye to a friend that has been around for a long time. But really for me food is a frenemy! I love it but if I keep up the same habits, the food will kill me eventually.   So, yesterday, while walking, I took some deep breaths, stretched and really made myself be in the moment of walking, and enjoying the sun, wind and air. When I got home I was sweaty and hot and of course hungry. I ate a piece of pork loin, salad, broccoli and a small amount of brown rice. And I physically felt better. It is the head stuff I am going to have to work through.   This morning so far, I had cherrios, yogurt and I am dying for a cup of coffee! I do not feel hungry at all. That is important because if I get hungry I end up eating everything and anything I can get my hands on. :rolleyes2:   Once again, I just have to take it one meal at a time, we shall see how it goes.
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

2
 

Day One

Well, This is the first day of my diet and since it is only 9:12a, I can say I am doing just fine! I really need to do this, it is for my own good. I ate cereal, milk and an egg for breakfast. The one thing I must do is prepare lunch and dinner for the days I work. I am begining to see that I am overweight because I am lazy! I want to be able to pick up whatever I want to eat or drink and have it! Well, that is not working well for me.   I am going to have to relearn how to eat and drink. I know it is going to be difficult, but sooo worth it. At some point, I may start posting vlogs on you tube, I am just not that confident yet! I have a weird accent and I really don't like how I look. :clap:   I have been thinking about excess skin, is it inevitable? I hope that as I loose, I tone with the excercise and loose skin won't be a huge problem. Well, for right now I just need to concentrate on my food plan. :rolleyes2:   More later...
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

4
 

Day 6

Here I am on day 6! So far, I have lost about 9lbs, that is not unusual for me. I retain water so that is what most of it is. BUT!! I will take it!:thumbup:   Today has not been too bad. We did some running around and right now I am taking a break from my Saturday chores. I had a pretty big bfast. Eggs and a sausage. I just had some grapes, yogurt and chicken for lunch.   Gotta go! I am going to surf the web for a minute and then start cleaning again.
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

4
 

Day 5

Wow! It really is getting easier. I think blogging really helps as well. This morning I was a little hungry, I had a cup of cherrios and an egg. I feel fine right now.   I think I am going to have to deal with the emotional highs and lows of the whole food issue. It is much easier to deal with if I am not hungry. Hunger + not being able to bindge on favorites= DANGER! :thumbup:   Anyway so far so good, I have all of my food here with me for the day. It is really a process to eat right, you have to prepare your food ahead of time! What a concept:lol:!
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

2
 

Day 2

I am at the end of day 2. I did okay, I started obsessing about food, but not just food the bad stuff, chips, cake, cookies, ice cream...."sigh":sad:   I slept for about 3 hours, just to avoid it. I did walk the dog and watched a good show, but this is sooo hard for me. I think it is because I have failed so many times before and the little voice in my head saying "you may as well wait for the surgery, you are not going to stick with it" ARG! Those damned little voices!:rolleyes2:   Right now I am just drinking a diet coke and typing on my blog. This is a calorie free activity. I will write more tomorrow.:clap:
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
 

Clear Liquids Day 1

Okay, so I have to do the clear liquid thing today and tomorrow. No big deal right? WRONG!!! I am soo hungry, this morning I woke up and ate a coffee cup full of chicken broth and 3 cups of jello. I washed all of that down with some water.   I can do this, it is for the best, I just have to get the head hunger out of my mind. Tomorrow, I have to continue with the clear liquids, take 3 TBSPNS of Milk of Mag :thumbup: and take neomycin, which is sure to give me major diarrhea. Oh, did I mention that I am working 12 hours tomorow??? Luckily, the bathroom is not too far.   Please pray for me.:cry_smile:
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

3
 

August 22nd 2008...Still Waiting

:tt2: I am still waiting. I think I will call Shawna, she is the new patient coordinator for Dr. Steinberg. I am really getting antsy.   I need to just relax, right? I have not really done much in the way of behavior mod. for the new life I will have. I think it is all still a dream, that it may or may not really happen. I don't want to get my hopes up and then get disappointed! That would suck.   I am just tired of being this big! Yes I can diet, but I will loose and gain and loose and gain!! My husband is supportive...although he wants me to try dieting "one more time". I told him, it has not worked in the past 20 years, so I cannot imagine that it will work now, nothing is different.
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
 

Approved!

I have been approved for surgery! WHOO HOO!!:party:   I am so relieved! I have to go in for a gallbladder ultrasound and a upper GI. Whew! I am truly on my way to a new life and I am so ready!!:w00t:
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

6
 

Almost one week

Well, I am really late with writing more, but I just was not feeling it. I needed to get myself back to normal and try to figure out the food thing.   So, I woke early on 10/14, posted to my blog, took a shower and just hung out watching TV while my hubby got ready. He does not do mornings well. I was surprised that I was not STARVING, as all I had had for 2 days were liquids. So, we get to the hospital at 10am, surgery is scheduled for 12 noon, and I signed in at the desk. The receptionist gave us a pager, similar to what you get at a resturant when waiting for a table...interesting.:cool:   Frank (that is my hubby) was hungry, so we went to the cafe to get him some coffee and breakfast. We were about to sit down, when the pager went off! That was when I started to get nervous. :crying: The volunteer escorted us back to the surgical prep area, gave me a gown and told me to get undressed, the gown opens in the back..... So, I sit on the bed and just wait, now, a nursing assistant comes in and gives me some TED hose to put on, which covered up my cute halloween pedicure!:eek: Then the RN comes in to start the IV **ouch**, complete the admission process and have me sign another consent so the first assistant can get paid. The RN leaves for a minute and comes back and says "It looks like we are going to go a little earlier than expected!!. Dr. Steinberg comes in to say hello and then we are off to the OR. I kiss Frank goodbye and the transport guy takes me back, making me laugh the entire time, which was great, because I really was nervous. So, I am parked outside of the OR, another RN comes up and introduces herself (Robin) and in I go. I scoot over to the OR bed, get tied down, the Anesthesiologist tells me to relax, because at this point my BP is like 180/100:scared2: and I don't have hypertension. As I said, I was wicked nervous. All of a sudden I just start crying! I mean not hysterical, but tears, runny nose, I could not stop. The RN, Robin came over and, OMG, she was sooooooo sweet. She wiped my tears and told me everything would be okay, I asked her to pray with me and she did. She was just what I needed at the time, I am tearing up while I type this. I was so scared and felt so lost, I could not control my tears. I needed someone like Robin at the time and I thank God for her. She only talked to me for a minute, but it was what I needed. I needed to feel a connection to someone in the room, she promised to take care of me and assured me that Jesus would watch over us and make sure everything was as it should be. The last thing I remember was her wiping my tears.   I woke up in the recovery room, I remember being cold and in some pain. The nurse gave me some warm blankets and told me she would give me something for pain...then I was out again! When I woke again, I had been wheeled up to the floor and the nursing assistant was taking my vital signs.   Everyone at Dekalb Medical Center in Decatur, GA was soo nice. I am defiantely going to write thank yous to the staff and especially Robin. My stay was pretty uneventful, the pain was managed with a morphine pump. Let me digress a little here...the morphine pump was sooooo wonderful. It helped me understand how people get hooked on drugs, OMG! I would give myself a bolus and just trip out. I am so glad they took that thing away.   I arrived home on Thursday and for some crazy reason, I weighed myself. The scale read 275!!! :wub::scared2::thumbup::scared2: Cognitively I knew it was water weight, but I was really unhappy. So I stayed away from the scale until today and I am now 258:thumbup:. I have an appointment with Dr. Steinberg on Friday 10/24, so I am going to try as hard as I can to not weigh until then.   Well that's all folks, I am now offically on my way. The real beginning is here and I am sooo excited.
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

3
 

7 days!

Wow! Now I am down to only 7 days until my surgery. I am very excited about it.   I spoke with a good friend today, she is supportive, but warned me that it is going to be a major life change. I am ready for it. I first considered lapband in 2006, so I feel as though this has been a 2 year process.   So anyway I went to GNC to get the protein shake stuff, the vitamins and some other stuff. I spent almost $100 bucks, not too bad because it is enough for 2 months. I probably will not be eating solids until after 3 months.   I am getting sleepy, so I will go, hopefully I will be more in the mood to write.
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

3
 

2008 to 2019

Hello to anyone out there who is reading this.  it has been 11 years since my gastric bypass and wow!  I was reading my past entries things have certainly changed for me. I had the weight problem, lost about 90lbs, became an alcoholic, got divorced, remarried, moved to Houston, then back to Atlanta, became  born again, through the peace and grace of Jesus Christ!, traveled monthly to RI to check on my parents, lost my brother and father in 2019, relapsed with alcohol several times, as of today I have been sober for 2 years!~~~~WHEW! So now I am married to Michael White, someone I have loved for over 30 years, I am living sober, grieving the loss of my brother, Chip 01/09/2019 and my Dad, Ray 09/06/2019. As for the weight, I am now 208lbs and not really happy at this weight, but Thank God it's not 275!  The most important part of my journey is that I became a Christian, I would have been dead by now if I had not done that.   I feel okay today, some days are difficult because I do not drink alcohol anymore, so I have to depend on God through everything...opps gotta run....
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

0
 

'tick tock' tick tock'

:tt2: The confused look seems to be my look of the week. I am so trying not to obsess with the whole approval vs not approval thing.   If I get approved, I have a date in mind and a schedule worked out. I work 12 hours at a retail clinic, so I need to make sure I pace myself well. I will most likely take vacation time and then just bunch the rest of the days together as days off. I plan on working a few extra weekends because I only have to do 6 hours on the weekend. That is IF I am approved.   If I am not approved, I guess, I will have to go through the whole appeal process, which does not seem too difficult. The difficulty will come if I receive a final denial.:w00t:   But, at this point, I am stil just in the waiting phase and I cannot focus on something I cannot control.   Once this is all done, I am seriously thinking about getting another job, maybe at the beginning of the year...I will have to see. I just began a doctorate program. I hope by the time I finish these biostats and epidemiology courses, I gain some knowledge...
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
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