skinnybyobsession

I am unwilling to reveal my identity at this time, however, I manuipulated my way into getting this surgery because I have always battled eating disorders. I have never been extremely overweight, but have always obsessed over it. I actually was better (or so I thought) til my 2nd husband made a comment about my tummy and patted it like, oh babe - you're starting to gain a little weight.. This immediately sent me back into my old panic mode and I literally researched (after seeing all the ads on tv for this procedure) and weighed myself down in the clothing i wore and gave a great healthy minded performance to all the people you have to go through in order to get this procedure (dr/counselor/etc...) I paid cash and the band sent my bulimia into full-force motion. It has literally taken me over and it was a big contributor to the loss of my second marriage. I lost any/all weight to the point of losing my hair - which I have gotten under control by forcing proteins in - a good one for me is IsoPure - 40 grams of protein in this drink you can just get at GNC!! Anyway, I'm 2 years out and all of a sudden, it stopped working for some reason and I couldn't even throw up -b/c I'd forgotten how to do it without the help of the band. I went in and got overfilled, and then upon releasing some, no restriction again. My doctor made me get an upper GI and when I did, he wouldn't let me leave without removing all - my esophagus was dialated!! I was devastated!! I had to go almost two months without anything - I was so scared, I actually ate the way they told me to to begin with - just proteins and veggies and switched to diet ginger-ail and vodka (cuz I never have given up socially drinking)... Anyway, still gained 10-13 lbs in the process... I have since gotten a fill - up to 8 oz now and still felt little to no restriction - very possible it's still dialated.. I talked them into another fill and am at an all-time high amount I guess for the office and feel a bit of restriction finally. It's only been since the second fill that i've been able to lose the last 10 lbs again! I am putting this out here for others.... This has consumed my life, however, I'm still not ready to change it so my privacy is imp to me. I am a divorced, single 35 year old single mom. I am a knockout according to everyone around me and although I see it and believe it too, I am still very much insecure - so, whatever that means.. My beauty has gotten me nowhere but isolated at this point... I thought it would give me the world! It's not like i'm not smart or educated either - I am all of these... But something in my head, I recognize, is not right - and I am sure this is unsustainable for very much longer... I am terrified of that time coming... I strongly urge anyone who has an eating disorder or even has the potential - to not do this procedure, although it's exactly what will lead you to do it! I know this!! But if you can be less selfish (my issues affect everyone around me-including my son, who is just used to Mom "spitting" every time she eats- however, I know it bothers him b/c he asks that I not eat in order to not spit! :(  - terribly shameful for me!) Still, I am unwilling... Don't let yourself get here if you can muster up the courage to say no to yourself to the easy way!! My ex-husband said, after the fact of course, that he would've preferred for me to gain 50 lbs than to have done what I did! It destroyed me!! With that said, I am sure that for a great majority of people who do not share the same issues, this can be a life-saving surgery! So... just take my stroy with a grain of salt and think hard - know yourself!! With the 10 lbs I gained and maintained that weight -after them taking it all out, that weight and size was still smaller than where I was when I used to feel beautiful and thin at one time!! I used to be okay with myself at a size 8, even 10 maybe - now I feel like a cow if I go up to a 6!! It's a mindf@#&!! I've stayed off of this or any site like this b/c I don't tell people that I had this done.. I joined just now b/c I googled bulimia and the band and up came a question from someone who is a recovering bulimic, and I felt the need to register just to talk to her!! Good luck and best of health!!