offwithherhead

I'm copy/pasting some of the posts I feel are relevant to my weight loss journey. Maybe eventually I'll change this up, but for now, I am lazy and this is what you get!
 
Posted 12 May, 2015: My doctor just brought up bariatric surgery last week and I was very resistant, feeling if it was that extreme an issue, I should be able to do it on my own. I saw the surgery as a cheating, quick fix, like it wasn't a legitimate way to do things unless I'm in dire extremes. I am very overweight but I'm actually really healthy on paper if you don't look at my weight/BMI. I have optimal vitamin levels, ideal cholesterol, low blood pressure, etc. I am careful to eat well but I never seem to lose weight; I only seem to gain. A LOT. 
 
She nodded at what I was telling her, but she told me to research it. I said I would, and I did, and now a week later I'm convinced. There was so much I didn't know!
 
Bariatric surgery seems like the healthiest option and the most likely for me to reach all my wellness goals. There are a lot of drawbacks, but it seems like the possible and definite benefits overwhelm any detractions. So here I am. I don't know how to find people in my country (Israel) who've had bariatric surgery, and I am more comfortable speaking English anyway, so I took to the internet. Hi. Looking forward to meeting you. 
 
Posted 13 May, 2015: Yes, there are a lot of misconceptions. I just saw it as an extreme measure and a sign of failure to be a competent, healthy person, having to resort to surgery. I'm sure there are a lot of people I will encounter who feel the same way when I tell them about the surgery.
 
I am determined to not be ashamed of it and to be very upfront about it, because why not; I prefer to be honest and if other people think poorly about my honest situation then they can go to hell.  :D (We are very frank here in Israel.) And maybe I can do some good in being open about it, explaining to people how it's a useful tool provided by advanced medicine that has a longterm success rate that is so far beyond the longterm success rate for dieting and exercise alone that it's laughable.
 
Already I feel so much better, making plans with my successful weight loss in mind, and it's amazing, just these plans. Just knowing for sure that I now have the ability to make a lasting change to my body is powerful and it fills me with hope. I never truly understood how many thoughts a day I had about my weight and how much I've been stifled in life by feeling my weight isn't good enough to present myself as a healthy, participating member of general society. I have plenty of confidence; that's not the problem.
 
The problem is reality. If you're fat, your opportunities to enjoy life are fewer than people who weigh a normal amount, and that's just a fact. I'm not talking about relationships, or not just about them. I'm talking about traveling comfortably on planes and not worrying that you'll be charged for two seats, and worrying whether you'll need to call a flight attendant over to ask for a seatbelt extender (sometimes yes, sometimes no). And even when you can get by without one, it's uncomfortable as hell because seats were made with a mind to cram as many people as possible into the plane, and your weight is simply not a factor in their deciding how tiny the seats are. Try an 11-hour flight elbowing your seatmate the entire way, and not wanting to, but you take up too much space and they're not giving up an inch of theirs, and they shouldn't have to either. 
 
And it's about strategically choosing what to eat in a restaurant you visit with friends based on what will make them judge you the least, but not so obvious that they know you're trying (salads are too obvious and stay away from anything fried). And even though you aren't self-conscious about it in an embarrassed way, but you're more being tactical so as to frame their opinion of you, it makes you angry to know they probably do judge. And those are your friends, and they care about you; sometimes care too much.
 
And it's about searching out the right kind of chair that won't make you feel like you are a monstrous whale whenever you shift your seat. Shopping for clothes that my grandmother wouldn't even wear when all I want is to wear cute vintage clothing with purple hair, and the purple hair I can manage but the vintage clothing is all half my size, and nothing ever looks truly good on me; I don't say that in a self-conscious way and I'm not beating myself down about it, but it's an objective truth: You can only look good to a certain extent when you are carrying around 200 pounds of excess weight. Oh god, I want to find a bra that fits. And I want to run a half-marathon for charity, and I want to say I want to do that without laughing at myself in my head for being delusional. I want to go hiking in the mountains. I want to visit foreign countries without being identified in an instant as a fat tourist they can overcharge. I want to find a nice dress for a family wedding. I want to wear high heels without wanting to chop my feet off at the ankle after thirty minutes.
 
It's everything. It's everywhere. The fat is a finite amount of cells and pounds but it stifles an endless amount of experiences in my life, and I am sick of it. So I am ready to divorce my current body and marry an upgrade. 
 
It's always such a defeatist attempt, dieting and exercising. I know that I won't be able to lose weight no matter how hard I try. And I've tried hard! And I just seem to gain more, no matter which diet I try. And as I try, my body gives me the finger and laughs. So now I'll give my body the finger and force it to change. 
 
:) Sorry for the rant. I have Strong Opinions and I'm a writer, so you're stuck with me as I am!