A loss is still a loss

[Keenikwe 82]

I'm pre-op. I started in January and I'm here for my 3rd weigh in. I lost 9.5 lbs at my last weigh in. I lost 3.5 lbs in about 6 weeks since. So in total I've lost 13 lbs since my first appointment. So that's overall good.

So why do I still feel like I've failed and so disappointed in myself?

I spent the last 3 weeks at my parents house where I got no support... and actually I left last night due to being unable to emotionally handle being there any longer. (I have my own house but got a new job in my hometown and to help with the transition I was staying there with my kids). I will commute. I will have better and healthier foods again. I think I'm feeling so hurt with the lack of support because my brother just lost 85 lbs thru change in diet and exercise and they accommodated his diet by making healthy meals and gifting him a high quality treadmill. I assumed they would make healthy meals for me as well... no wait. I didn't assume. My mom told me she would help by making those healthy meals, but no...

I would try to make something only I could eat since I wasn't interested in the cream based meals and a stick of butter in the sauce type stuff. Only to be confronted with mom tears and a good helping of guilt.

My clothes fit differently now so I had hoped that my Portion Control worked. It sort of did but not with results that I had hoped to have.

There so many emotions tied to my weight. My parents are relatively healthy... my brother and I were adopted and struggled with weight since our teen years.

My mom questioned my involvement with mayo and questioned if it is even necessary since I'm losing on my own now... then gasped when I told her my stats, which made me immediately feel defensive. I kept my composure but packed our things and left as soon as our discussion ended.

11pm my father calls to tell me how immature I am and how much of a disappointment I am. Forget that I am successful and fully employed as well as working 2 other part-time jobs not because we need the money, but because it's my passion. He also dug into my husband, who was diagnosed with cancer last June and underwent horrendous treatment, but he's a lazy pos in his eyes because he didn't (shocker) mow the lawn and put that responsibility on my 30-year-old-able-bodied-85-lbs-less-brother. I'm just hurt and shocked at my father reaching out to me to tell me to 1) be more insightful to know when my mother isn't meaning to criticize me 2) be more mature than my mother and handle her going off on me with grace and not to react and 3) accept the way she treats me and roll over and take it without changing the family gatherings because sweeping her crap under the table and acting like it didn't happen is easier on them.

I didn't eat anything to sabotage my progress. I am making progress.

[Navigating the Wilderness 824]

1) be more insightful to know when my mother isn't meaning to criticize me Fuck That.

2) be more mature than my mother and handle her going off on me with grace and not to react Fuck That.

3) accept the way she treats me and roll over and take it without changing the family gatherings because sweeping her crap under the table and acting like it didn't happen is easier on them. Fuck That.

This may be a mother/daughter thing. My wife was treated the same way by her mom until I told her that what her mom said was complete bullshit, and the only one she ever had to please was herself. You need to know that as well. It simply does not matter what other people think/say, and I don't give a damn if they are 'family', or a spouse. If they do not support you in what you are doing, then do you really need them in your life? So many people say 'But they are family, and family is family' piss on that. Being related to someone does not give them an excuse to make you feel like crap. Since you expressed how you felt, and they did not care, then why on earth should you care about them? There will be others on this board posting in the vein of family is family and asking you to forgive, but I would strongly advise you to focus on yourself, your husband, and your kids.

On a separate note, high hive for losing the weight pre-op! It will definitely help you out with not only the surgery, but give you a big boost post-op as well!! Keep going!

[MowryRocks 679]

Your title says it all. You are a stronger person than I. Don't let a situation allow you to be down on yourself. You wouldn't let them mistreat you, so don't you mistreat you either. Hang in there!

[GrrlAnn 177]

Why do you need their approval? You have 3 jobs, a house and a husband. You aren't a kid anymore. You aren't living under their roof living by their rules. As "navigating" said, fuck it. Do this for YOURSELF!

[queendeborahbee 119]

7 hours ago, Keenikwe said:

I didn't eat anything to sabotage my progress. I am making progress.

I am incredibly proud of you! WOW, keep up the great work. All families have issues and they should be ashamed of their behavior. You on the other hand are a role model for your children and because of your choice you will be healthy and continue to be a wonderful Mom.

[Keenikwe 82]

Thank you for your words of encouragement- it really means a lot to me. My family is no different, I know we have issues... but I'm not going to engage in any family gatherings anytime soon. I just don't care to right now. I'm hurt but I'll get over it. Today, I'm focusing on the good news... I went home with an oxygenator to screen for sleep apnea and tomorrow I'm meeting for the surgical consult. My last emotional behavioral weight management appointment is this Saturday. The pieces are lining up

[ReneK 107]

You are amazing! I'm sorry that you are having to go through something so hurtful but you are doing great. It sounds like you know what is important to you. Hopefully, your family will come around. If they do, great. If not, that is their loss

Stay strong!