Feeling kind of betrayed

[elliekay 189]

Sorry if this is the wrong forum for this, I'm not sure exactly where it would go

So with Valentines day being earlier this week, I had reminded my boyfriend the week before that I couldn't eat chocolate, which he should know regardless because it's something I've told him plenty of times--he doesn't know all the details of my surgery but he knows it affected how I eat, and I've complained to him a million times about how sick chocolate makes me now, and also he knows I watch what I eat like a hawk, so you'd think he'd know better...

His "big valentines present" for me was a giant box of chocolates. Like 30-something pieces of chocolate that I can't eat. (also I planned literally the entire evening and bought him like $50 worth of presents but thats not the point lol)

Idk what to do. I've spent the last few days feeling really shitty about it, like it almost feels like a personal attack even though I know it's just him being oblivious. When he gave it to me I was just kind of like "Oh... thanks....!" and then later in the evening brought up how it felt like he didn't listen to me and he went "yeah, that was stupid of me" but otherwise it hasn't come up and I've just had this box of chocolates sitting in my room because I can't eat them but also feel bad giving it away--especially since he's been here in the mornings so he would see if I brought it to work with me I was just gonna let it sit in here but chocolate is a total trigger food for me and last night I opened it, ate 2 of them, and ended up puking sooooo... it needs to go.

Anyways idk I guess I'm just wondering how you guys handle situations like this. I feel betrayed but also feel like that's a way overreaction over a box of chocolates on a holiday meant for chocolate. I'm not sure if I should bring it up again or just trash it or take it to work even if he sees me doing it or what.

[kehl 9]

You darling have to put yourself first and you are the one that went through surgery and it's your responsibility to be selfish now and make sure your new self is respected, don't feel bad and take them into work or to friends and just say to him that it would take you ages to get through them as they make you sick unfortunately! Next time a card and a cuddle will be a wonderful gift, and say if you continue to bring me chocolates I have no choice but to give them away, I would remind him everyday once a day that you cannot eat chocolates till he gets sick of hear it, it's your health don't accept that behaviour.
Hugs

[clc9 644]

A- Give them away, take them to work, ask him if he wants them back, but get them away from you. Who gives a rat's patoot if he sees you??

B- Give some hard thought to why you feel bad giving away something you explicitly told him you can't have because it makes you sick. That is the behavior of a people pleaser who wants to please others at the expense of herself.

[blizair09 3,250]

I'd either give them away or just put them in a drawer somewhere and forget about them. And, more importantly, I would have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about your surgery, how you eat, and all of the assorted extraneous details. If he is a serious part of your life, he should know everything about your journey; otherwise, it isn't completely fair to hold him accountable for being sensitive and informed. (That being said, he should have known better in this case...)

Good luck!

[sleevinpops 303]

Get rid of the chocolates! All of the work, changes and sacrifices you have made, yet you don't want to hurt his feelings! I think you need to asses your priorities. YOU SHOULD COME FIRST! Though he may not have all the "details" of your surgery, is he that ignorant not to hear your comments and requests before hand? And when asked to say it was stupid; No, he he was stupid!

Let him see you trashing them, it will show that you mean what you say. If he has a problem with it, that's his problem to deal with.

[Julie norton 2,850]

My take is Let him take them to work... that might sink in more.... and promise him something "special" for the next holiday. Easter? If there are no candies involved. He might remember that!!

[erikshappywife 20]

Some men can just be so oblivious...they dont mean to be, they just are. It doesnt mean they dont care, they just dont think....

I am so blessed to have a man who is attentive and who waits on me hand and foot since ive been so ill...he is amazing...it only took me 3 marriages to find my Mr. Right...

I hope your man starts paying more attention to detail or that you find a man who does

[Soyounique 35]

2 hours ago, erikshappywife said:

Some men can just be so oblivious...they dont mean to be, they just are. It doesnt mean they dont care, they just dont think....

I am so blessed to have a man who is attentive and who waits on me hand and foot since ive been so ill...he is amazing...it only took me 3 marriages to find my Mr. Right...

I hope your man starts paying more attention to detail or that you find a man who does

How do you find 3 husbands?? I can't find one!! Lol.. ?

[erikshappywife 20]

How do you find 3 husbands?? I can't find one!! Lol..

LOL, the first two were VERY unlucky finds...except for the 3 wonderful kids i got from them (the first gave me a son who is now an EMT, HE MARRIED HIS CHILDHOOD sweetheart whom he had been with since they were 10. They gave me 4 grandbabies: a girl 11, a girl 9, a girl 5, and a boy 2. We also had a daughter who married a wonderful man she met at Purdue while he and i were students there. They have given me 3 grandbabies: a girl 7, a girl 4, and a boy 2...so even though husband #1 turned out to be a monster i have to be glad i met and married him, if i hadn't i wouldnt have my 2 birth children or my 7 grandchildren. Husband #2 turned out to not be much better but one good thing came from our marriage, we adopted a baby boy together. My adopted son is now 20. Husband #3 is so wonderful. He is so patient and understanding and loving. He fathered my kids as if they were his own. He and my oldest son are best friends and he is the only father my adopted son has ever really known, my husband has been his dad since my son was only 3. We have been together 17 years, married 16. My husband is totally blind and hearing impaired and absolutely (almost) perfect...i am VERY lucky now...but had to go through 13 years of hell to get here. For me 3rd times a charm i guess

[Soyounique 35]

That's wonderful! You are truly Blessed! ?

[Hollyhock 62]

Give them away or give them to him to give away or throw them out. Tell him you appreciate the thought and love him but you can't accept chocolates as they make you very sick. Tell him you'd rather go to a movie or something.

I imagine putting others first may be one of the habits you need to work on. At this point, you have to put your own needs first. And it isn't true that all men are oblivious. There are men who will think about what is best for you. Your current boyfriend may become one of those men, but will need your assistance on his journey.

[Lema 236]

Don't feel bad about giving it away. And was probably thinking the way he always has when it comes to getting a Valentine's Day gift for a loved one. It's an innocent mistake that I wouldn't hold against anyone.
Why are you feeling guilty about giving it away?? You are making a healthy choice by not eating it or keeping it. Some day when you are having a shitty day, you will get up and open it if you keep it around the house. If not, looking at it twice a week will just remind you of how you can't have it and then make you feel guilty the way you feel right now.

I bought 10 piece chicken wings the other day because I hadn't eaten the entire day and I was starving. I could have had something else but the smell of it was way too overwhelming. As soon as I finished the second piece, I regretted that decision. I was driving and saw one of those homeless guys that walk between the lanes, asking for change. I gave him the entire bag of chicken wings. It felt so good to get rid of that stuff from my car. I have noticed this about myself these days. Whenever I buy unhealthy stuff or end up with pasties/sweets, I hand it over to the next person beside me. I want that stuff out of my reach.

[Lema 236]

Heck, I even throw stuff in the trash and make sure it's mixed well with the garbage if I have to.

[Sleeveforme2017 144]

I was warned by a friend who went thru this surgery years ago to watch for your husband trying to sabotage your results. I was two weeks post op on V day. Still on liquids and my husband walked in with my absolute favorite chocolate covered strawberries. I got so upset with him. He say well " I know you can't eat these so I'll eat them" . He did that just to be mean and I'm not falling for that this time.! I lost 100lbs on my own years ago and he did everything he could till I felt bad about it and gained it back. Don't let anyone come between you and your success.

[paranormalmom4 3]

My husband buys crap loads of junk food for him and the kids it makes me so mad

Heather Evans