In debt for surgery

[weneebug 88]

Wondering how things go for those that don't really have any one on there side to help and guide you. I seam to be having some issues with the way my husband is reacting to my lap band surgery. I am honestly proud of myself. I have not made it a long way but just enough to feel good. I keep getting the price of my surgery thrown up in my face. I have so many other bills but have chose to make sure that I pay this one first. I honestly don't want to feel like I owe anyone. Wondering if anyone else feels the same way???

[jimmc77 43]

Not cool that he is doing that @ all.

Your health is worth so much more.

I had to pay for my surgery also...not covered in Canada.

I'm lucky enough because my wife talked me into finally doing it.

I was going to do it in 2013... but didn't want to spend the money.

After 3 or 4 more failed attempts at losing wait and keeping it off. It was time.

To be honest... with the surgery or trying to do it on your own without surgery, you need your husbands support.

Hopefully he comes around and helps you out.

If not... tell him to get another job....lol.

Edited December 15, 2016 by jimmc77

[Treadmillwalker 486]

@@weneebug sorry your huband isn't more supportive.

Had lapband surgery 10/12/16

[111 118]

He's bought cars, right? They're about the same price as the surgery. Cars only last 10 to 15 years before they're more trouble than what they're worth. Look at your surgery as an investment on your life. You will gain an extra 15-20 years and the quality of your life will be much better too. What is a better investment? A car that you will eventually get rid of at a great monetary loss or an extension of your life plus an increase in quality? I understand that it put you in debt, but it will be worth it. I hope my perception will help your argument with your husband. He wants you to live a longer and better life, right?

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[Banded_Beauty 71]

@@weneebug I to have that same issue. Long story short I sold a house that was left to me and used that to pay for my surgery. My husband was mad so I decided not to have the surgery and save the money. Then once the house sold HE brought it up that I should do it. Now after the fact he likes to say I should have just done the pre op diet of liquid and not have paid for the surgery. I explain how that is not meant for long term and still I get it thrown in my face one day and then he's supportive the next

LapBand ~ November 1, 2016

[WGH3IWDT 93]

PRAY FOR SUPPORT and UNDERSTANDING FROM YOUR HUBBY and PRAY FOR STRENGTH TO ENDURE and PRAY AND ASK GOD TO HELP YOU'LL PAY YOU'LL BILLS ACCORDING TO HIS PERFECT WILL, AND HE'LL BE THERE FOR YOU. JUST HAVE TO LISTEN TO WHAT HE TELLS YOU. THEN PUT THE REST IN HIS HOLY HANDS.

AND UNTIL GOD MOVES IN YOU HUSBAND, EACH TIME HE STARTS UP, PRAY FOR STRENGTH TO ENDURE.

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[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

@@weneebug @@Banded_Beauty I know exactly how yall feel.... 7 years later i still here the.... that surgery cost $2000. (yes insurance paid) He never misses an opportunity to bring it up. He also says crap about my Hysterectomy, gallbladder... I'm like those were not my choice. The reason he brings these things up is because he is a very selfish man and is forever buying himself stuff. When i say anything about it he brings up the surgeries. This is one of the reasons we are getting divorced.

They don't change.... he became more insecure the more weight i lost. So i started giving him crap back. Every time he had something negative to say, i turn it around on him..... Example: Him: I think it was stupid that you spent that money on a WLS when you could have done it yourself.... Me: well i think its stupid you bought a boat when you could have fished on the side of the road. (yes we live in the bayou) Me: i think its stupid you bought a navigation system for the boat that marks where you caught fish... Like they are going to be in the same spot next time.

I say to you both.... concentrate on yourself and he'll either climb on board or jump off. He would never jump off, so i did.... Now he regret's the things he has done and said because im not taking his crap anymore. Tell them men straight up.... This was not for him it was for you and your health and future and that you don't want to hear any more negative crap about it.

[weneebug 88]

@bayougirlmrsc That's the funny thing...my insurance covered mine also so it's costing me about 2,000 as well. He seems to think that I am going to loose the weight and find someone else which is another punch in the gut because that's like saying you can't find anyone else now because you are fat (that's how it makes me feel). Now he has never been one to talk about my weight or degrade me...he has always been respectful of that. He knew that I hated myself at my size so he would always encourage me to exercise and diet. I'm not sure what the difference is now that I am doing it with the help of surgery. He has been real supportive of the way that I have had to eat since surgery. I just think it is an insecurity and I hope it doesn't get worse. I was 125 pounds when I met him so if I wanted him when I was that small why would that change when I get small again. I don't understand the logic.

[laurak814 43]

My husband is the same. Unsupportive. Whe went with me to initial consult last February, he originally thought it was a good idea when we walked out of the appt. Then he did a 180 & completely changed his mind about a month later, & talked me out of it too, guilted me out of spending the $$ b/c I wasn't working. Fast forward to now, I've gained weight, I'm more depressed, & pissed that I let him talk me down from doing it b/c my knees are getting worse, they hurt all the time from the excess weight. Plus my uncle died unexpectedly 2 weeks ago from a ❤️attack at work, he was obese too. So I made decision to call & restart the program for the surgery. My consult is tomorrow & hubby doesn't know. I'm also going to my Orthopedic surgeon Monday for my knees, have him check them over & maybe get his opinion on WLS. I respect him a great deal. Plus he is HOT AF!!!!

As for my hubby, he's gonna be pissed I did this without telling him, but he's gonna be ashamed when I tell him why I had to do it this way. And when I tell him I'm saving the $$ to pay for it myself, he really can't say a fucking thing to me. It's my body, I'll do to it what I want if I get dr permission, especially if our Ortho thinks it's a good idea.

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[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

@@weneebug Are you sure your not married to my husband (soon to be ex)... (tomorrow is our 26 wedding anniv). He said those very words.... Him: Why are you losing weight, so you can find another man? It use to hurt a lot for the same reasons as you.... but i started turning it around and telling him... I didn't need to lose weight to find another man... I had men that wanted me at 230lbs.

Now i hear.... Your losing weight was the worse thing that ever happened to our marriage..... And the... See i told you that you would leave me for another man (which im not)..... I told him, i didn't leave because of "another" man.. i left because of him..... and then i show him my multipal vibrators that keep me warm at night/day/afternoon... hehehe

My suggestion, drag him to counseling.... mine would not go (cost and nothing wrong with him) I begged him to go and he told me.... get a part time job to pay for half and i will go.... that was one of the last straws. But if you can get him to go.... please goooooo..... be honest and tell him how much it hurts to hear the things he says. Mine regrets everything now... but i have so much resentment built up i don't know if i can ever break that wall down. And sometimes just when i think... Wow he is changing... he opens his mouth and I hear the old Jim come out...

[weneebug 88]

@bayougirlmrsc If you lived in Georgia I would swear that he was living a double life...lol We have been married 24 1/2 years. It's totally crazy that your husband threw your marriage away after 26 years because you improved for yourself. I hope it doesn't come down to that for me. I may eventually ask him about counseling if it continues but I am sure that he won't think that he needs it.

I am not doing this for a man (him or any other man!)...I am doing this for ME!!! I absolutely hated the way I looked and was totally depressed. I felt embarrassed to go out because I always felt like everyone was looking at me and wondering "What the hell is he doing with her?" My self esteem had hit rock bottom and I can't wait for it to soar!

[weneebug 88]

@laurak814 I wish you luck. I know how you feel and I say go for it!!! Do what is best for you!

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

I posted this 3 years ago.... This is how i truly felt...

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/164294-my-dearest-band/

[weneebug 88]

That was an awesome read...I actually had tears!!!

I posted this 3 years ago.... This is how i truly felt...

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/164294-my-dearest-band/

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

That was an awesome read...I actually had tears!!!

I posted this 3 years ago.... This is how i truly felt...

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/164294-my-dearest-band/

so do i sometimes....