Post op regrets topics - not popular

[GinaCampbell 434]

Thank you to everyone who has been open, honest and supportive.

You will never see me be anything on here but the same.

A couple things really hit home from your original post.

First is that you did a tremendous amount of research pre-op and put a lot of time and effort into making this decision. It certainly was well thought out.

The second thing that really struck a similar chord with me is your comment, "I myself am only 9 weeks post op and have had complications so I can't know what my future holds." I want to really key in on this.

I didn't really feel alive and vibrant until somewhere between my 2nd and 3rd month. Prior to that the diarrhea, rumbling stomach, weird feels overall, dropping blood pressure and baggy clothes had me feeling strange and uncertain. Then....I found my stride. I found that life was normal. I was eating hearty cuts of succulent Protein........and then I was given the go ahead to have coffee.....blessed coffee. Things began getting back to normal....a new normal that was much better than any I'd known in decades. It continues to get better each week, too.

Now....if I want, I can have the diet Dews and diet Cokes that I used to love.....and yes...I can even have them with some mixed nuts & cheese (one of my all time favorite snacks) so long as I stay within my daily calorie goals. I've yet to have the diet sodas simply because I have been without them for the better part of a year and don't miss them. I'm good with Water and coffee and an occasional diet Snapple or similar.

I ask that you trust in your pre-op homework and demonstrated diligence. You put in tremendous thought into this back then. You've been through a major series of changes since and are truly at the infant stages of your post-op living. You are only 9 weeks out.

I'll wager that in a few months you'll resist this thread with an update and I hope that it's one where you've found that things have normalized and everything is falling into place.

Hang in there and thanks for being open, supportive and honest. That's the only way to roll.

Thank you for your comments. The error I made in my research was that you can't know what you don't know.

And I trusted that there were not holes in my research. And I wanted to lose weight.

Even further, there are things that you just cannot know will happen until they happen.

I am 10 weeks post op in a day or two, so nearly three months.

I have pretty much gotten used to food being lost to me, in fact, I can't really be bothered these days. I eat Soup and drink alot of Water.

I try different foods frequently and have found that everything has changed. I just don't like food anymore.

I know that eventually I might be able to eat more and better, but I am unsure that I will ever regain an interest in food.

Now some folk will say "Hurrah! We cured the fatty of her gluttony!" And look, she is losing weight! Our job here is done.

I am really pleased that the happy people are happy with their decision, truly I am.

But for me, I have permanently harmed myself in a way that I cannot undo.

You will never hear me say that this was right for me.

[GinaCampbell 434]

No, I was not told about any of this before surgery with the exception of the not eating and drinking together.

The booklet we were given upon discharge was the first time we were given a list of "problem" foods.

And no, I definitely would not have gone ahead had I seen this booklet first.

This totally boggles my mind and I'm sorry you weren't told these very basic things, nor did you find them in your extensive research.

Some people can eat meat, some people can drink tea and coffee, some people can organise quick easy meals. So no amount of research on my part would have revealed that I might not be able to.

[Dub 9,922]

"I try different foods frequently and have found that everything has changed. I just don't like food anymore.

I know that eventually I might be able to eat more and better, but I am unsure that I will ever regain an interest in food."

I felt that way for several months after my surgery and have been very grateful for it.

Liking food was a huge contributor to my morbid obesity.

Not liking food so much is a benefit for me. Just being honest.

I'm sorry that you now feel that wls was a mistake. That is a tough place to be in. Like I said, though....it's early in the game and there are many dynamics at play. I can almost guarantee that the whole outlook, ability, capacity, likes, etc is dynamic and remains so. Post-op life comes in phases that are loosely marked by time periods out from surgery date.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

No, I was not told about any of this before surgery with the exception of the not eating and drinking together.

The booklet we were given upon discharge was the first time we were given a list of "problem" foods.

And no, I definitely would not have gone ahead had I seen this booklet first.

This totally boggles my mind and I'm sorry you weren't told these very basic things, nor did you find them in your extensive research.

Some people can eat meat, some people can drink tea and coffee, some people can organise quick easy meals. So no amount of research on my part would have revealed that I might not be able to.

But not to be told that your quantities would be limited, that you couldn't eat/drink at the same time and that your actual diet would be far different than "regular" people for the rest of your life?

Sheesh!! MIND BOGGLING.

I sincerely hope you find peace with your decision. I hit the three month mark before I felt somewhat normal, but still struggle with diarrhea and various other complications (stricture). I am definitely not going through what you are, but I do have a small sense of your frustration.

[GinaCampbell 434]

I obviously knew that I would only be able to eat smaller quantities but was told that once we moved through the stages that we would be eating normally, just less.

And reading these forums, that seems to be alot of what is said here.

"Don't worry, once you get this or that many months out, things will be fine!"

As there are alot of Americans posting here, surgical stories are a bit different than the UK people's posts.

There does seem to be alot of people here who can eat alot of things and in quantities that are far beyond the 150 to 200 ml my stomach holds.

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[GinaCampbell 434]

"I try different foods frequently and have found that everything has changed. I just don't like food anymore.

I know that eventually I might be able to eat more and better, but I am unsure that I will ever regain an interest in food."

I felt that way for several months after my surgery and have been very grateful for it.

Liking food was a huge contributor to my morbid obesity.

Not liking food so much is a benefit for me. Just being honest.

I'm sorry that you now feel that wls was a mistake. That is a tough place to be in. Like I said, though....it's early in the game and there are many dynamics at play. I can almost guarantee that the whole outlook, ability, capacity, likes, etc is dynamic and remains so. Post-op life comes in phases that are loosely marked by time periods out from surgery date.

It sounds like this surgery was the right decision for you.

I like that I used to like food. My health conditions need me to be well fed and nutritionally sound. My immune system needs the boost that a good well balanced diet brings. My lack of interest in food feeds into the lethargy of CFS, I simply haven't enough interest to keep my nutritional health up.

I am not sure that my outlook will ever change much about my decision to electively disable myself further.

Regardless of six more weeks, months, years, I will still regard this as an idiot move.

I just wish stomach transplants were available so I could undo this mess!

I will now have to use supplements as food replacements.

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[LipstickLady 25,682]

I have feeding and non feeding days. Some days I want to eat and can get in 3/4 cup at one time. Most days I'm not a fan of food and can't hold 1/2 cup in a sitting or it comes back up. At your stage, I was lucky to eat 2 tablespoons in a sitting.

Like @@Dub , I am grateful. I no longer live to eat, I eat to live. I am in **no way** denigrating your story. I'm only offering my journey up to those who may be reading, are newly post op, and feeling your frustrations. It can and does get better for the majority of us.

It's only fair to those starting out to know both sides of early complications.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

And yes, at your stage, I had to remind myself to eat. I set alarms and would grudgingly eat my scoop of hummus or Beans, not wanting a lick of it, but knowing my body needed it to heal.

I spent this last week in Las Vegas and alcohol aside, I probably ate about 500 calories a day because I was so busy. I still don't always remember to get in my nutrients, I just stopped setting alarms.

[GinaCampbell 434]

Those last two posts are exactly one of the reasons I regret this. And I know everyone seems to want to cloud my feelings about wanting to be my "normal" again with the complications I had post op.

I don't want to forget to eat or only have 500 calories a day.

I can only say yet again, complications have not impacted the fact that I would regret this surgery even if it had gone perfectly.

I don't even think about weightloss.

It was a gamble. That it might help the fibro pain, help the CFS, the IBS. Instead, it made it all worse.

Bad idea.

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[LipstickLady 25,682]

I figured I ate more than my share in my 40 years and my obesity was putting me at risk for knee, back and health issues. I was pre-diabetic and frankly, tired of being the fattest mom in the room.

It's clearly all about perspective along with the whys of surgery.

Best to you.

[More than this 116]

Gina, go back & remember what you were experiencing before the surgery. It had to have been bad enuff for u to consider having it done. Like most of us, u had to have been at the point where u didn't know what else to do, having tried so many ways to lose weight & get healthy & none of them working over the long haul.

This wls was the last hope for many of us. Yes we gave up certain things to get healthier. It's all in how u look at things. We forget how bad things used to be...time softens things...like people in abusive relationships that go back to their spouses because "maybe it wasn't that bad". We humans forget what has gotten us to do certain things out of what we deemed necessary at the time. We coat it with the haze of forgetfulness & suddenly it wasn't that bad back then. Be true to yourself & don't knock the past & the decisions you made. You made that decision to help yourself. You made it with all the information available to you at that time.

Ok....so maybe it was the wrong decision for you but you would never have known that unless you lived it. Everyone has said they wished they hadn't done something & if only someone had told them not to do it or had told them the real truth....really? Well geez, if we listen to other people, our world would never advance....how many tries did it get to get the wheel right, or that plane off the ground, or man to the moon,, or medications to figure out what worked for your depression but not for your friends? So many things in life work for some & not for others. Fortunately or unfortunately we all have to experience something for ourselves in order to get the lesson. That's how we learn. How many children listen to their parents who say don't do that or this terrible thing will happen. Or how many adults hear things from others but think, hey, that's their experience? We think we know better, so I don't think someone telling you what you had wished u had heard would have stopped you because at THAT point in time, YOU needed to do something this drastic.

I am sorry your wls made it worse for u, but it has made it better for others. You did what u did out of hope & as I said earlier the past gets foggy when we look back....so quit beating yourself up about what u did & figure out how to go on NOW. Nothing is 100%,...it's up to the person going thru whatever it is they are going thru, to get the help they can & try to make things better for themselves. I have problems, we all do...but you know what??? Having lost 70 lbs I can move more, have more energy, do more, enjoy life more. I have issues with dumping, some foods not agreeing with me. I have issues with not being able to eat a meal as I once did or enjoy it...but that's all transitory to me....because the truth is, the past me made the best decision it could for the me now & no one or no thing would have changed my mind back then because I was at the end of my rope with knee pain, high blood pressure, tiredness, & so many things including shame at going out & doing things I now can do, that I couldn't before because of my weight. It won't work for everyone...just like certain medications will work for one but not another...just like one (wo)mans bottom for an addiction will not be another (wo)mans bottom....so although I feel for you & what u r going thru, You need to stop beating on what happened....there are no guarantees in life with ANYTHING......just do the best you can....like the rest of us.

There HAS to be something the doctor can do to help u so that u don't have to wear a diaper to go out...just keep fighting for the answers. Only when u give up hope, is when u won't find those answers.

I pray you forgive yourself & that these feelings will change & u get better soon. You deserve the best in life, like everyone else in this world & I hope you get there quickly so that your suffering ends.

[More than this 116]

One last point I should have made....Gina, what would have stopped u of having had the same thing happening as my aunt, whose weight kept going up & up until she was bed ridden & had a colostomy bag? So many people gain so much weight they can't get out of bed or even wipe themselves after a bowel movement, or need to be bathed? Simple things we take for granted...that's what obesity does to you. If you talk to them, they would kill to have your issues....it's all in the way we look at things....sadly there are worse things out there. Just turn on your tv & watch my 600 pound life...that could have been you, without the surgery.

Keep fighting....you will find the remedies you need to correct what has gone wrong. Keep fighting for the answers.

[GinaCampbell 434]

Gina, go back & remember what you were experiencing before the surgery. It had to have been bad enuff for u to consider having it done. Like most of us, u had to have been at the point where u didn't know what else to do, having tried so many ways to lose weight & get healthy & none of them working over the long haul.

This wls was the last hope for many of us. Yes we gave up certain things to get healthier. It's all in how u look at things. We forget how bad things used to be...time softens things...like people in abusive relationships that go back to their spouses because "maybe it wasn't that bad". We humans forget what has gotten us to do certain things out of what we deemed necessary at the time. We coat it with the haze of forgetfulness & suddenly it wasn't that bad back then. Be true to yourself & don't knock the past & the decisions you made. You made that decision to help yourself. You made it with all the information available to you at that time.

Ok....so maybe it was the wrong decision for you but you would never have known that unless you lived it. Everyone has said they wished they hadn't done something & if only someone had told them not to do it or had told them the real truth....really? Well geez, if we listen to other people, our world would never advance....how many tries did it get to get the wheel right, or that plane off the ground, or man to the moon,, or medications to figure out what worked for your depression but not for your friends? So many things in life work for some & not for others. Fortunately or unfortunately we all have to experience something for ourselves in order to get the lesson. That's how we learn. How many children listen to their parents who say don't do that or this terrible thing will happen. Or how many adults hear things from others but think, hey, that's their experience? We think we know better, so I don't think someone telling you what you had wished u had heard would have stopped you because at THAT point in time, YOU needed to do something this drastic.

I am sorry your wls made it worse for u, but it has made it better for others. You did what u did out of hope & as I said earlier the past gets foggy when we look back....so quit beating yourself up about what u did & figure out how to go on NOW. Nothing is 100%,...it's up to the person going thru whatever it is they are going thru, to get the help they can & try to make things better for themselves. I have problems, we all do...but you know what??? Having lost 70 lbs I can move more, have more energy, do more, enjoy life more. I have issues with dumping, some foods not agreeing with me. I have issues with not being able to eat a meal as I once did or enjoy it...but that's all transitory to me....because the truth is, the past me made the best decision it could for the me now & no one or no thing would have changed my mind back then because I was at the end of my rope with knee pain, high blood pressure, tiredness, & so many things including shame at going out & doing things I now can do, that I couldn't before because of my weight. It won't work for everyone...just like certain medications will work for one but not another...just like one (wo)mans bottom for an addiction will not be another (wo)mans bottom....so although I feel for you & what u r going thru, You need to stop beating on what happened....there are no guarantees in life with ANYTHING......just do the best you can....like the rest of us.

There HAS to be something the doctor can do to help u so that u don't have to wear a diaper to go out...just keep fighting for the answers. Only when u give up hope, is when u won't find those answers.

I pray you forgive yourself & that these feelings will change & u get better soon. You deserve the best in life, like everyone else in this world & I hope you get there quickly so that your suffering ends.

I am not "beating myself up" about this decision. I believed what I was told about the good things that might have come from this. And they might have happened, but they didn't. That is no one's fault.

I have accepted my decision, as flawed as it was. I am satisfied that I did all I could to make an educated decision.

I post about it to try and make sure no one else makes the same mistake I did.

I simply want them to make sure that they are not seduced by the idea that this is easy. Believing that life after surgery will be easy and the weight will just magically stay off.

So don't worry about me "beating myself up". Or not making the best of a bad situation. I fully understand that I have no choice but to move on.

That's the point! It's irreversible. Permanent. And if you hate it, tough, you are stuck with it for life.

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[GinaCampbell 434]

One last point I should have made....Gina, what would have stopped u of having had the same thing happening as my aunt, whose weight kept going up & up until she was bed ridden & had a colostomy bag? So many people gain so much weight they can't get out of bed or even wipe themselves after a bowel movement, or need to be bathed? Simple things we take for granted...that's what obesity does to you. If you talk to them, they would kill to have your issues....it's all in the way we look at things....sadly there are worse things out there. Just turn on your tv & watch my 600 pound life...that could have been you, without the surgery.

Keep fighting....you will find the remedies you need to correct what has gone wrong. Keep fighting for the answers.

I wasn't a high BMI patient. In fact several nurses asked me why I was even having surgery. I have already now lost all of the expected weight, 9 weeks out.

My weight wasn't climbing exponentially. I wasn't

pre diabetic. And my BMI had gotten so low that I actually didn't qualify for the wls program when surgery time came.

So no, that was never going to be me.

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[LipstickLady 25,682]

I wasn't a high BMI patient. In fact several nurses asked me why I was even having surgery. I have already now lost all of the expected weight, 9 weeks out.

My weight wasn't climbing exponentially. I wasn't

pre diabetic. And my BMI had gotten so low that I actually didn't qualify for the wls program when surgery time came.

So no, that was never going to be me.

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Your stats say you were 5.2 and 266 pounds. I was 5.3 and 264 pounds. I was a high BMI person according to the doctors I consulted, it's strange that you weren't considered the same.

I see your goal is 125. You lost 136 pounds in 9 weeks? I can definitely see your concern. That's outrageous!