Stupid Choices = Stupid Outcome

[Sharon1964 2,530]

It's not a secret that I take an antidepressant. It took me a long time to be open about that, as my family are "just snap out of it" kind of people. My brain just doesn't handle serotonin well on its own. Without an antidepressant, everything and nothing makes me cry and I can't feel joy. With it, I feel and act, like a normal person (HEY! no comments from the peanut gallery!).

Last week at work was a week from hell. Patient almost dying in the parking lot, another patient having a psychotic break and calling constantly with delusions of grandeur and racing thoughts (and I got to take his calls), several interactions with the police regarding that same patient, dismissing two patients (one for combining alcohol with her meds on top of a positive drug test for pcp, another for increasing her meds on her own several times)... you name it, we went through it.

I take my medications (antidepressant and vitamins) after I get to work; it's part of my morning routine at the office. With all the chaos, I forgot to take them on Thursday. Then I forgot to take them on Friday. Then I went out of town on Saturday and forgot to take them.

Saturday I went to an adult, Disney-themed party. I went as Milady de Winter, the spy from The Three Musketeers that plots to kill the king of France (if you've seen Disney's version with Tim Curry, Kiefer Sutherland, Charlie Sheen, etc., it was the part played by Rebecca DeMornay). Years ago when I was doing Renaissance stuff, I made a beautiful Italian Renaissance green and gold gown, underdress, etc. So I wore that, and everything I was wearing I had made myself, with the exception of my shoes. Roughly half of the women at the party were wearing as little as possible. There was a costume contest, and I came in second, behind a girl dressed as Belle, in a very short dress with major cleavage. Think "adult Halloween costume" versus historically-accurate gown that you might see in a Renaissance painting.

It left me in tears, and it shouldn't have. It was clearly a cleavage contest, as a number of people expressed in surprise to me afterwards. I have no cleavage anymore. I used to fill out the bust of this dress and then some. I was able to tighten up the bodice a bit, but still no cleavage.

I couldn't believe how stupid I felt for being in tears over something like this. Something that doesn't matter. I'm usually very careful not to enter contests that are not based on skill, because I want to be judged on ability, not popularity.

Just as we were leaving the party to go back to the hotel, I got a massive headache. Great. No sexy time for me. So we're laying in bed, my head is killing me, and tears are streaming down my face, and I can't even tell him why. Thankfully, he's a patient guy and he just held me.

The next morning, I realized what had happened. I had no antidepressant on board, and it takes about two to three days for any changes to be noticeable, positive or negative. I still had a headache, but it was just kind of around the edges, not as bad as it had been. I was able to articulate to him what the problem was, and I got some gentle sexy time (which, if you know anything about me, is not my preferred "speed" ).

So I made stupid choices and got a stupid outcome. This was not my first rodeo, and I know better. I know I have to take care of myself. Uggghhhh.

[gowalking 10,790]

Just think of it as a lesson learned Sharon. I bet you don't do that again...

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

Take your meds, girl. No more episodes of pointless, wasted sex.

Edited June 20, 2016 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[mngreeneyes 674]

@@Sharon1964

HUGS! I have been there. More times than I want to admit. Those antidepressants really do their thing, but only when we take them. Glad your fella was so understanding. Sorry you ended up with such a rough week and rough weekend. Hopefully this week will be better. Silver lining? You know for sure that the meds are working.

pam

[Sharon1964 2,530]

The bodice is far too big, and this was at the end of the night when my head was killing me. These views don't do justice to the outfit.

[Renkoss 420]

You made that outfit, you did wonderful work! It is beautiful.

As far as the antidepressants are concerned, I take my pill at bedtime...literally right before jumping into bed. I NEVER forget to take my pill; everything depends on it! I've learned over the years that with the med my life is pretty much as normal as normal gets for me. Without my med, I'm just non-functional. I tried to change to a different med a couple of years ago. That was a horrible mistake. Went back to what I was on, and that is where I will stay until the day I die. It works for me, I feel like myself when I take it, I can still feel emotions and react to them without being a sniveling mess all the time.

Glad everything worked out for you.

[Daisee68 2,493]

1) I am sorry this happened. I too take an antidepressant (which I had to increase after surgery) and funny enough, I was thinking just this morning on my walk how grateful I am for it and how it helps me cope. I spent a lot of years "unhappy" and not that the med makes me "happy" but it does make me emotionally "normal" (for the most part ). 2) I am pretty sure that even with my med on board that I would have ended that kind of week in tears! Wow! That is a tough week and kudos to you for just surviving it. And last but not least - You sewed that amazing dress??!! Holy cow lady!!! That is simply amazing! You are an incredible seamstress. I can't even sew a button! (No...seriously...my grandma laughs at me when I try...) I bet that girl with the cleavage is jealous of your skills (if she knew!)

Hope your meds are catching up by now and that even despite that, your week holds better circumstances!

[Sharon1964 2,530]

I am starting to feel better, thank goodness. Psychotic dude has been in the waiting room twice today. The first time, we told him to pee in a cup for a urine drug test and he filled it with cold Water at the sink. He wanted meds and we said no. Then he left, went to his attorneys office, who tried to get him to go to the ER for a mental health evaluation, he refused, came back, asked for meds again, and I said no.

He left, saying he would go to his primary care doctor and get his meds. Oh yes, and saying I would be out of a job by the end of the day (he thinks, apparently, that I am standing between him and meds). I called and gave the primary care office the heads up. It's almost 1:30 pm here, and I'm predicting we will see him again today. His delusions are as firmly in place today as they were on Friday.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Jeez, Sharon -- when I hear stories of your work day I hope you have armed security at your facility.

[Sharon1964 2,530]

Jeez, Sharon -- when I hear stories of your work day I hope you have armed security at your facility.

We do not.

[mngreeneyes 674]

@@Sharon1964

Your dress and you in it are gorgeous! You just didn't show enough skin and if that was the requirement, I wouldn't have wanted to participate even on my best day! I hope the rest of your day gets better.

pam

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Sorry to hear that, @@Sharon1964 .

You care for mentally ill folks in crisis who want drugs that you won't give them.

And some of them have guns.

Have you ever considered a career as a bartender?

[Renkoss 420]

I work in the mental health industry as well, but luckily our office deals more with anxiety and ADHD; not major diseases! It is difficult to be around those who have severe mental illness; on one hand you feel terrible for them that they have this horrendous disease that controls their behavior. And then you sometimes feel horrible for being irritated with them because they are bothering you, yelling at you, threatening you, etc. They truly believe this will give them what they want.

I give you tons of credit for being able to stay unemotional. It's difficult to do.

[Sharon1964 2,530]

@Renkoss I used to work in mental health, but more of the every-day counseling setting. Now I'm in chronic pain, and a psychotic break is unusual in our setting.

[Sharon1964 2,530]

Oh, and unemotional? On the outside yes. On the inside I started having anxiety yesterday. From my desk, I can see outside through a glass side door. If I couldn't see outside (like from our lunch room), I had anxiety. But sitting at my desk, I had anxiety because people could see in. There was no winning there.