What do I tell my son?

[kiwij 4]

Hi there,

I have an 8 year old son who is well aware that I struggle with my weight. I am scheduled for gastric bypass on June 9th and am not sure what/how much to tell him about the procedure.

I don't want to tell him what the surgery is for because I don't want him to bring it up at school, but I'll be losing weight rapidly, so he'll know something's up.

Any suggestions would be great!

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[jccanada 314]

My 11 year old was all a out it. He feels bad for me because I sit at the table eating a half a cup of food. He knows it is to help me. He was scared for me to have operation but he has a sense of pride in saying g "you're getting smaller, mom."

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[applejenn 173]

I told my son everything he's 12 and autistic. I am very active in his class so his teacher and aide would know something was up.

I showed him my little

Booklet the surgeon gave me and explained it to him.

I even told his teacher up front because he will be missing day of surgery and I'm sure he'd tell them he was at the hospital.

Maybe just not say anything to your son. You know how kids are always innocently honest especially if you do t want people to know

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[xochtlem 54]

My 11 year old was all a out it. He feels bad for me because I sit at the table eating a half a cup of food. He knows it is to help me. He was scared for me to have operation but he has a sense of pride in saying g "you're getting smaller, mom."

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I'm two months out, and my 11 yr old daughter is the same way. She was terrified for me at first, but once she saw I was okay, she was completely on board. So much so that she's taken it upon herself to start reading food labels, to learn more about healthy eating.

[Andrea72 510]

I was sleeved on 3/23 of this year. I too told my 10 year old son. He is not overweight yet, but I use this as an opportunity to spend time being active together. Plus....even if I think to put something bad in my mouth(carbs or sugar) he's sure to tell me "you aren't suppose to eat that". I like how I have my own little voice of reason when my self control try's to slip.

Edited May 16, 2016 by Andrea72

[jaxmom 643]

My kids are my biggest cheerleaders. I was a little worried about my son Owen who is 10 because he hates to see anyone in pain. I explained I was having surgery so I wouldn't be in pain with knees, back etc. and that I wanted to play more golf and tennis with the family. He was on board.

That being said, Owen loves to hear gossip and I'm no dummy... Those that like to listen like to tell. I explained this was one of those family things that don't leave the house. He's keeping it in the vault and has thrown away the key.

His favorite thing to do when he gets home from school is give me a "test" hug. He wraps his arms around me and at first he could just touch them.. Now he can hold his wrists. He beams up at me and says "yep, you are shrinking mom. I'm so proud of you". It makes me want to cry.

Kids today pick up on so much more than we give them credit for. Just be honest. It's much better than them overhearing something and drawing their own (sometimes scary) conclusions. Your son will be so proud of you. Best of luck.

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Edited May 16, 2016 by jaxmom

[sharonintx 1,275]

You tell your son the truth

[Sophie74656 1,572]

I think he might be a bit too young to fully understand. If he says anything about your weight loss, i would just say that you are on a new diet that is working well for you. That actually won't be a lie.

[Christinamo7 4,041]

it is hard to know what kids are ready for or will understand. you are the best authority on your own child.

my kids are older, they've been worried for my health, I told them exactly what I was doing. A few did not think I should, but they respected me and I think they were mostly worried about the surgery it's self. Now almost 3 months out they are very supportive and thankful to have their mom looking forward to a long life of better health.

but then, I've been open about it so there is no one to tell.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

@@kiwij, you asked specifically about keeping your son from talking about your surgery. At eight, I think he's old enough to respect your wish that he not talk about it outside the home.

As someone who was eight, I'd like to continue from that perspective. Tell him the truth, but in a simple, abbreviated version -- omit the blood and gore. Respect his intelligence. He has to know that you'll have a little procedure to help you eat less and lose weight. Let him know that you'll be doing this so that you can be healthier and have more energy to do things with him. He may well feel more confident about everything if he knows that he'll be a beneficiary. Let him know that he can help you eat healthy things once you get started -- he'll feel quite grown up if he has a role in caring for you. Bring the subject up now so that he gets used to the idea and can ask questions as they may occur to him. You'll also be preparing and preventing him from being bewildered or worried post-surgery while you're in the healing phase. If you talk about it while doing an ordinary activity, he's more likely to think it's no big deal, i.e., nothing to worry about.

Edited May 16, 2016 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[Julie norton 2,850]

It is such a personal decision.

I had one in college and one in high school and I did not tell them. As time went on, they know that I ate very little but always joined them for family meals.

We are a close family but I saw no reason to share outpatient surgery with them. It all worked out and no one had to worry unnecessarily.

[kiwij 4]

Thank you so much for your input, you've given me lots of encouragement and lots to think about!

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[Cape Crooner 589]

You may have seen my extensive post titled "Oh, the lying". I think it's best to take a "tell everyone" or "tell no one" approach.

The middle ground (which I stumbled into) is very stressful and something I would advise against.

As far as you son goes, perhaps you can use something like I'm using these days. I am so sick of answering the question, that I now just say "I did EXACTLY what my doctor told me to do". If they persist, I tell them to go talk to their doctor.

In your case, you could tell him something like "my doctor has me on a program to lose weight, get healthy, and live a long life. It means I eat a lot less and exercise. It's working and I'm so happy that I'll be around for a very long time."

You could also tell him that what people discuss with their doctors is private and ask them to try to keep it so. 8 years old may be too early to understand the nuances of WLS, but it's a could time to learn about private matters.

Edited May 16, 2016 by Cape Crooner

[Read2016 658]

As a teacher I work with children of different ages, kids don't fear they way we do as adults. I think you could simply say mommy is going to the hospital to have something done with her tummy. She may be there a day or two and she will be feeling better when she gets back. Until then you'll be with dad or grandma or whoever will look after him. If you keep his routine as normal as possible he will be less scared.

You may want to mention to the teacher, you will be in the hospital so she can keep watch on him. Sometimes when they are worried their behavior change. Since he's 8 he'll probably be cool as a cucumber.

Kids rise to the occasion as needed

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Edited May 16, 2016 by nyteacher125

[Pondlife 42]

My son is also 8 and I have said to him that people like to talk about other people and don't always say the nicest things so I would prefer to keep my private life private and I would appreciate it if he would respect my privacy by not discussing my surgery. I told him that if anyone noticed my weight loss and asks him about it ( I have my mother in law in mind here) that he should just tell them to come talk to me.