Recently Attractive - From A 2 To An 8 - THE STRUGGLE IS REAL!

[Proud2BMe 1,016]

Okay, so I've made a transformation for sure. Before my surgery I was classified as a "2" on a scale of 1 to 10, with one being the lowest and 10 the highest. I know this because gay guys will tell you the truth. I was fine with that. I didn't mind because I didn't love myself and I didn't want love or attention from anyone else either. However, after my weight loss I've been told numerous times that I'm now an "8". I regularly get hit on by both women and men, and I really don't know how to process it. One time recently when I was hit on by a guy at the club I began to have a mini panic attack. I turned bright red and got super hot and then all of sudden turned ice cold and got really pale. I felt like I was going to pass out. I practically ran out the club, and honestly, I went to my car and started crying. This is the second time I cried over such an incident. The first time I was walking at a park and noticed this trio of younger women following me. They began trying to get my attention so I took out my ear buds and one of them said "nice ass" and they were giggling. One tried to approach me as if she was going to touch me and I turned red and started walking fast to get away from them, tears streaming down my face. I'm a total train wreck. I feel like I'm a fraud like I'm fooling people into thinking that I'm attractive when I'm really not. I definitely don't see what everyone sees when I look in the mirror. I'm actually considering getting therapy over it. I've spent almost all of my life being and feeling like a hideous monster that I don't know how to think or feel differently. Can anyone relate or am I just a horrible freak?

In the before picture I'm the blob behind the boy. This was taken 1 year ago in April 2015. I had my surgery one month later on May 12, 2015. The second picture was taken today, May 4, 2016.

[laugh96 3]

I will definitely suggest therapy because I think there is a process you have to mentally through. Some race through it, some are a little slower. So don't compare yourself to others. Don't force or push yourself too much. There is a lot of baggage that we need to shed off as the weight comes off, one of them being esteem issues. And this is something you have to work on. Truth is, you are genuinely an 8. Maybe even a 10 (No, legit. You're hella cute). But you won't believe anybody telling you that, only you accept it.

I'm also learning that not demonizing who you were before the surgery helped. 'Yes I was fat. But I was also strong, and joyful, and *insert every good adjective you can think of*' You have to remember good things about who you used to be, so you don't feel like you're deceiving people. Like 'No, I was fucking awesome then. I'm fucking awesome. I will always be fucking awesome! I just happen to take up a little less space and look better in clothes ;)'

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[Kooky1 96]

I am no where near my goal but I do remember a few years back. I had lost 80 lbs which drastically increased my confidence that I was able to achieve a goal; but when men starting grabbing my behind or being overly flirtatious, it frightened me. As I have written in my intro post, I am a survivor of sexual trauma. Even though I was in therapy at the time, my sessions were more focused on my relationship with my family versus reshaping how I saw myself.

I am five days post-op and I won't make the same mistake again. I plan on getting some type of therapy. Just not sure what kind.

I think you may benefit from therapy; you took care of the outside, now address your mind.

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[treblecutie23 318]

You sound exactly like me and how I feel, so I assume it is normal and you are not a horrible freak!!!! The mental changes seem to require so much more work than the physical. I have no real answers on getting over it, I still am struggling with the same. But you are def not alone!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I found a good therapist who's been a great resource to me. I encourage you to find one who can help you process everything you've been through and are going through.

[MichiganChic 3,262]

First, why on earth would your friends tell you you're a 2? That's mean. Second, you do look great

Last, I hope (and I bet) you will get past this and some day see yourself more accurately. I came from a place not unlike you - just knowing I hated the way I looked with an element of self loathing. I used to ask strangers if I looked fat when I first lost my weight (really). Thankfully, I have come to the realization that I'm super hot, bahahahaaaa! I'm poking a little fun at myself because I am LOVING my new body, and so I know it takes time, but you'll get there!

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I know my fat is and was, in large part, a physical barrier to avoid unwanted attention. I agree that therapy and counseling is really helpful.

Attractiveness is so much more than physical looks. I know plenty of "pretty" people I find unattractive, usually due to their attitude, personality, how they treat other people, etc. and others who may not be conventionally "pretty" who are downright beautiful, usually because they are genuine, confident, kind, caring, generous, open, and honest.

P.S., drunks at nightclubs are not the best judges of character, attractiveness, or anything else. I would be wary of putting too much stock in anything someone says at a club (positive or negative).

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,899]

I don't believe you were ever a "2". Everyone has an opinion and a (bleep)hole, sometimes the opinions come out of the latter one.

There are a lot of emotions during weight loss, some are hormonal, some are due to years of being in lament over one's obesity and lower self-esteem, among other emotional issues.

Maybe you can seek some counseling to deal with these emotions?

Perhaps you can turn those tears into tears of joy on how you overcame obesity, your improved health and all of the NSVs you are experiencing.

I am a married heterosexual, so I am not hitting on you, but you do look good and earned it through your hard work to lose your excess body weight.

Edited May 5, 2016 by 4MRB4PHOTO

[Andrea72 510]

Being 6 weeks post op, I am no where near goal, but I can honestly say the fear that weighs the most on my mind is how will I handle the gained attention.

For years I have hidden behind my weight, so the attention thing really kinda freaks me out and I'm not even getting it yet.

I have a huge personality, so the friends I have expressed this to can't understand why I would be so scared of the new attention, but I am.

I haven't sought out therapy yet, in hopes that once I get to that point, I will embrace it, but if in fact I find it too much to handle, you better believe I will be getting some form of help.

[WorkinOnMe 596]

I honestly cannot relate to what you are feeling. I don't say that to be mean, but just to preface my post so that you know this is only my 2 cents and not from personal experience.

It sounds like you have some unresolved issues from PRE-surgery that have never been dealt with. You say you didn't love yourself, but I have to wonder if it was simply the weight/physical aspect you didn't "love" or if there was more to it. I am not a therapist, but it sure sounds to me like you should see one. They are trained to help you delve into the root of the problem and help you sort it all out.

I hope that in time you are able to love yourself, not just your body, and that you find some peace and comfort.

Much love hun!

[KristenLe 5,979]

First of all - you are not a horrible freak. Many of us have hidden behind our obesity. It's often a way of leaving ourselves out of the game so we don't fail from something else (or are rejected because of something other than our physical appearance). It's no longer there to hide behind and that's scary as hell. I strongly encourage therapy. Whether you believe it or not - you are EXTREMELY handsome and will get attention because of it. Of course - no one above the age of 15 should be saying nice ass and giggling - even if you have a nice ass! You've been successful in improving your physical health - now you just need to work on your mental/emotional health. Stay strong!

[Montana Gal 448]

​@Proud2BeMe, Before you posted this picture I already thought you were "attractive". You were attractive to me because of your kind, thoughtful, funny and honest replies and posts. Your picture just proves what I knew to be true! I hope through therapy, friends and family or whatever means you choose that you will begin to see what we all do....a beautiful person inside and out.

[Pillar2butterfly 391]

Wow....just wow....

Amazing job....congrats on the weight loss! Our minds have a hard time catching up with our bodies on this journey. We are our own worst critic. I couldn't tell you if you need therapy or not, only you can answer that...but I do know it is hard to get used to being a healthy size and just because we are on the outside, it doesn't always reflect what we feel on the inside. You are valued, you are awesome....no matter what you look like on the outside.

Edited May 5, 2016 by Pillar2butterfly

[sleevenv 483]

I'm sad that any humans have to "rate" others on attractiveness scales! WTH is a 10 or a 1, and who gets to be the judge? Concentrate on your HEALTH--both mental and physical--that's what will make you attractive!

Edited May 5, 2016 by sleevenv

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Boy, oh, boy! Younger people who are still working through sexual competitions, roles, orientations, identities, comfort levels and just trying to get some sexual experience under their belts (so to speak ) compound their struggles when they're simultaneously undergoing WLS and all its issues of self-image, self-confidence, body dysmorphia, etc.

I have been lurking and participating on WLS boards for nearly 3 years, and I have seen some tough stories about younger people who, otherwise healthy, had WLS, reached goal and then saw their worlds blown up.

One young woman I'm thinking of found herself in a rough situation -- initially thrilled after losing over 100 pounds and becoming the Cinderella of her new social set who hung out at a hard-partying dance club. Her husband, whom she adored, began to pressure her about joining him in group sex with others they knew. She freaked out. Then she had some unexpected health problems, regained some weight, her husband backed away from the group sex scene, and the last I read she was terribly confused, depressed, afraid, angry -- you name it, she was feeling it. But last I heard she was most afraid of upsetting her husband and didn't want to go to therapy to try to work through what had just happened to her and how she could deal with her unhappiness and her renewed struggle with overweight.

When we look to others for validation -- and frankly, who doesn't? -- we give away all our power to those we choose as our judges. Appropriate questions to ask include why do we need judges? Why do we choose the specific judges we pick? Why do we hand our destinies over to others?

Sometimes the answers are unexpected. Even if they aren't, the answers we find can put us on a path to a healthier and happier future than we would have been before we took back our own power.