New body brings new partners -- many new partners

[Dub 9,922]

I finally finished reading the book Eat it Up!

It is written by a therapist who works with weight loss surgery patients and deals with a whole range of psychological issues that arise post-op.

I highly recommend the OP (and anyone who is addressing this issue) read it. The chapter on boundaries in personal and sexual relationships is particularly insightful and would be helpful in this issue.

AWESOME.......see below.........

Here is a link to the book: http://www.eatitupbook.com

Sounded interesting.

I clicked the link.......low and behold......Dr Stapleton !!!!!

She is the one who did my psych eval. Supercool.

It was simply a great conversation and she seemed like someone I'd known forever. Her office was really nice. I could have sat on that sofa all day....was the most comfortable I'd been in ages. My back was happy.

Her videos at Live Healthy MD were requirements for me to watch and take the tests afterwords. Very insightful and thought provoking videos that emphasize the effort that is going to be required.

That is so cool.

Small world. Small world indeed.

I may have to see if I can get an autographed copy.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

It is indeed a very small world.

I have had that book a while. My former therapist recommended it to me, even before I started seriously considering weight loss surgery.

I'll have to see if I can find the videos you referenced.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I'd love to see those videos -- if they're online.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I totally understand this issue. I lost my weight pretty quickly with the band so this Dec. it will be 10 years since I had my first WLS. I've done a lot of dating over the last 10 years.

It's really easy to date more than one person at a time. It's really easy to not feel guilty about it. It's when they want to have that exclusive talk, that things become a problem.

Even though I may have dated several people at once, that does not mean sex was involved. I always say I am not into recreational sex. I've had the opportunity to have "friends with benefits" to which I said no thanks. Sex makes me become more emotionally attached to someone, so it's a big decision. I can't be emotionally attached to more than one person.

I really hope OP gets this figured out before she catches something or hurts someone deeply. The whole situation and all of her issues are rolled up in layers and if she really wants to change or understand her behavior, she needs to peel all the layers away. It doesn't sound like she wants change though.

She asked if anyone else has experienced this. Google is our friend. I am sure if she googled wls and sexual promiscuity, there would be plenty to read.

[JupiterinVirgo 846]

3 years 5 days ago I have gastric bypass surgery. 2 years 8 months ago I began cheating on my husband. He still to this day doesn't know that I have been out getting chased by men and being a very bad wife. We have been separated for a little over a year now. I didn't want to have sex with him after the surgery. Something changed in me that made me resent him and lost all attraction for him. He is a really good looking man and has all of the right anatomy. He loved me as a large woman and I became small very fast and he didn't change with me. I found that men were becoming more and more attentive and I was enjoying all of it. Once I broke the ice and cheated the first time it was all over for me. I wanted more and more and it was easy. I am in a relationship with another man and still cannot stay with one person. I am not sure how to stop this cycle and stop wanting more then one person at a time. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I feel no regret and I am really good at keeping it a secret. Any suggestions on what I should do? Do I keep on this path of being unfaithful or do I have to figure out a way to be committed to one person? It's very hard for me as I really enjoy having more "options"

I think our culture tells us what we "should "want. This is especially true for women and sex. And if we don't actually want what we are told to want to, we tend to go through a whole lot of cognitive dissonance and guilt. Even though you don't seem to feel emotionally guilty, the fact that you are even asking this question indicates that something doesn't feel quite right to you. But probably it is not the fact that you enjoy attention of many partners. It is probably because, not all partners are fully informed willing participants, specifically the husband. I don't think we should be afraid about wanting what we want, but I think we should be honest about what that is to those who are affected by our desire, so that they have the same free choice we have.

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[rny100516 15]

Just be single. Why do you have to be in a relationship with anyone if your real goal is multiple partners? Karma sucks, so remember there will come a day when you will want someone to be faithful to you. Nothing wrong with enjoying your life, but there is something very wrong with deliberately hurting people who care about you. If you want to be a real gangster, tell the truth.

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[veryblessed 151]

Hi, as someone who was cheated on by their husband with multiple people because he said being faithful isn't for him due to drug & sex addiction & couldn't be with one person -will tell you it hurts. I so wish he would never have went out with me & especially married me if he knew this. I do feel as others have suggested & that you may have just switched addictions. I am sure you are not alone in changing addictions but there is always help. At the least if don't want to get help you should divorce your husband & let anyone you are with that you do not want to be faithful to one person that way honest & not lying because lies hurt many. If want to seek help I suggest a good counselor also. The other additional help besides counseling can be a good support group. Just like drug & alcohol addictions the % of recovery is improved with faith based support groups such Celebrate Recovery. This group is for anyone that has hurts, habits or hangups. It is nationwide group. I go die to going through divorce. But others for drug, alcohol recovery, sex addiction, gambling. Divorce.....

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[CStoned 155]

3 years 5 days ago I have gastric bypass surgery. 2 years 8 months ago I began cheating on my husband. He still to this day doesn't know that I have been out getting chased by men and being a very bad wife. We have been separated for a little over a year now. I didn't want to have sex with him after the surgery. Something changed in me that made me resent him and lost all attraction for him. He is a really good looking man and has all of the right anatomy. He loved me as a large woman and I became small very fast and he didn't change with me. I found that men were becoming more and more attentive and I was enjoying all of it. Once I broke the ice and cheated the first time it was all over for me. I wanted more and more and it was easy. I am in a relationship with another man and still cannot stay with one person. I am not sure how to stop this cycle and stop wanting more then one person at a time. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I feel no regret and I am really good at keeping it a secret. Any suggestions on what I should do? Do I keep on this path of being unfaithful or do I have to figure out a way to be committed to one person? It's very hard for me as I really enjoy having more "options"

Get a divorce. Get u some condoms. Make peace with God & everyone human you have hurt. Start an account with Adam&Eve dot com for all your adult tools &toys ur gonna need...buy a freak flag & let it fly in the wind. Ur who u are & now the fat is gone so..... And there ya go!

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[GinaCampbell 434]

I think you should ask your husband for a divorce and set him free. He deserves so much more than you are willing to give him and less than what you might give him accidentally.

Please note. I am *NOT* judging you. You deserve happiness and if that means getting jiggy with 2 people or 200 people, have at it. Just remember, while you are married to him legally, you are being unfair to him in your Quest for whatever it is you are looking for.

oh my! We totally agree on something! Christmas miracle, yay!

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[BigUtahMan 207]

Replacing a food addiction with a sex addiction... what am I missing?

[BigTink2LilTink 723]

On 11/3/2015 at 1:48 PM, Done with this said:

3 years 5 days ago I have gastric bypass surgery. 2 years 8 months ago I began cheating on my husband. He still to this day doesn't know that I have been out getting chased by men and being a very bad wife. We have been separated for a little over a year now. I didn't want to have sex with him after the surgery. Something changed in me that made me resent him and lost all attraction for him. He is a really good looking man and has all of the right anatomy. He loved me as a large woman and I became small very fast and he didn't change with me. I found that men were becoming more and more attentive and I was enjoying all of it. Once I broke the ice and cheated the first time it was all over for me. I wanted more and more and it was easy. I am in a relationship with another man and still cannot stay with one person. I am not sure how to stop this cycle and stop wanting more then one person at a time. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I feel no regret and I am really good at keeping it a secret. Any suggestions on what I should do? Do I keep on this path of being unfaithful or do I have to figure out a way to be committed to one person? It's very hard for me as I really enjoy having more "options"

Maybe you are just not meant to be in a monogamy style of relationship. There isn't nothing wrong with being non-monogamous, as long as you are up front and honest with your self and your future partners about that. However there is a whole hell of a lot of wrong with cheating and misleading someone. Sound like you have a lot of marital issues that you need to resolve with your husband, whether it be counseling or if you agree that a separation/divorces is the proper course of action.

I would strongly suggest you get that (marriage issues) resolved first before trying to take on any new relationship partners whether you are poly-amours or just married in an open-relationship dynamic. Because separation is not divorce, and if your husband isn't comfortable with you taking on multiple sexual partners, then your already damaging marriage is going implode on itself way more quicker than you can imagine. Trust me when I tell you that no one new worth being with is going to wants to come into a relationship where there is already underline drama at hand in it. And that is especially true, if you are coming in as said relationship a secondary partner or Friends with Benefit (FwB).

Edit:
Just realized that this was an almost 3 year old topic. Sorry for bringing it up to the top, just something I felt I could add some insight too on as I am a poly person and practice honest open non-monogamy relationship dynamics.

Edited May 15, 2017 by BigTink2LilTink