male only Why do guys not go to support groups?

[Guest nickyv35]

Why do guys not go to support groups? One of my bariatric surgeons insisted on my going to support group for six months prior to surgery. What I noticed was that the groups were mostly women's issues like adjusting their clothes or using safety pins to make their blouse fit better. Few of the guys said anything and most stopped showing up all together. I personally felt I couldn't be myself in group and the topics were mostly just for women. I had that same uncomfortable feeling guys get when they go hang out with friends at a strip joint and one of the guys brings his girlfriend or wife along. I thought that this site could be a substitute for Men's Group, but it seems that people are just not respecting the Guys' Room or the forum's administrator's instructions. Any other guy feel the same or is it just me?

[defibvt 348]

@ I agree.. women do have their own issues to deal with and it certainly be uncomfortable discussing male oriented issues in such a group... I do think men an women do have some common issues, but certainly the topic in such grossly outnumbered groups are heavily women issued.

[AussieSam 234]

I have to admit I never been to a support group and probably never will. I think men would start going if they had a TV there and they only done the support group during commercial breaks.

[Guest nickyv35]

It seems my request for some forum etiquette offended some ladies. I've been told not to get "my panties in a bunch." It seems the point was lost. Had nothing to do with 'men's secrets' but more why do men not go to support groups. I got my answer...cause the ladies seem to go out of their way to make us feel uncomfortable in group and now I discover on line as well. This will probably be my last post on this forum since, so far I haven't found information I haven't found elsewhere on line or from reading a book.

[zanderman 41]

It seems my request for some forum etiquette offended some ladies. I've been told not to get "my panties in a bunch." It seems the point was lost. Had nothing to do with 'men's secrets' but more why do men not go to support groups. I got my answer...cause the ladies seem to go out of their way to make us feel uncomfortable in group and now I discover on line as well. This will probably be my last post on this forum since, so far I haven't found information I haven't found elsewhere on line or from reading a book.

give it time. It's a shift, and up until now, guys have been posting in the women only threads too. It just has to do with how the threads show up on certain displays.

Cheers

[Guest nickyv35]

Wow, had I known I would be talked down to by angry ladies, I would never have posted this question about why do men not go to support groups. Apparently I have spawned other discussions about my "getting my panties in a bunch." Apparently, as a guy, I am not allowed to post a question without having to put up with condescending replies, being called a five-year old and have my masculinity questioned. My question was answered quite loudly. Still waiting for the Forum admin to send instructions on deleting this account. The same reason guys drop out of bariatric support groups.

[wascott 395]

@ Sorry to see you go. I must admit that I've ended up in some topics meant for ladies only. I browse recent and trending topics 99% of the time. They don't indicate what genre it was posted in.

[defibvt 348]

@ Sorry to hear you go... I usually filter out the 'noise' and look more for the information I am looking for. I might be an even odd example, as I had my surgery in Mexico and do not have a surgeon to offer me support. I will be having my 3 month follow up with my primary care doctor, other wise I have to find my own answers. If you do have any questions or concerns and wish not to publicize them, I am sure you could private message any man who has replied to your thread and start a discussion 1 on 1. Most of us are in the same boat you are, dealing with issues in private, it is a guy thing.

I have also looked through previously posted threats, to see if my concern has already been discussed. That has been helpful.

I wish you all the best on your journey.

[joatsaint 2,814]

Guys, in general, grow up with heroes like John Wayne and Bruce Willis - overcoming incredible odds and toughing out the worst injuries. Asking for help or assistance is a sign of weakness. That's what I grew seeing and hearing. So it's only natural that guys don't want to open up and share in a group setting.

Dennis Leary said it perfectly in a joke about John Wayne - John Wayne had cancer twice. Second time, they took out one of his lungs. He said, "Take 'em both! I don't f****' need 'em! I'll grow gills and breathe like a fish!

Why do guys not go to support groups? One of my bariatric surgeons insisted on my going to support group for six months prior to surgery. What I noticed was that the groups were mostly women's issues like adjusting their clothes or using safety pins to make their blouse fit better. Few of the guys said anything and most stopped showing up all together. I personally felt I couldn't be myself in group and the topics were mostly just for women. I had that same uncomfortable feeling guys get when they go hang out with friends at a strip joint and one of the guys brings his girlfriend or wife along. I thought that this site could be a substitute for Men's Group, but it seems that people are just not respecting the Guys' Room or the forum's administrator's instructions. Any other guy feel the same or is it just me?

[Daveo 485]

I actually would love to attend a support group but unfortunately I work when they are going on. I have to settle for online groups but it would be nice to attend.

[Nikasio 59]

Was supposed to go for three months. By my third visit I was the only guy there. It was the opposite of a sausage fest. The only time I spoke I was jumped for making one bad joke about wanting the 85% of my stomach to make Haggis. Besides it having been an out-of-date reference to the 1986 Christopher Lambert / Sean Connery movie Highlander, it was somehow taken as an offensive remark about women eating their placenta. I had to research that leap of logic to even find out that some women do actually freeze and eat their placenta.

On the positive side, I did learn that vertical stripes make you look slimmer and when it is the best time to by off-season clothes at Lane Bryant...which come to think about it I seem to have forgotten though I am still a human clothes rack when shopping with ladies.

[BigViffer 3,544]

The only time I spoke I was jumped for making one bad joke about wanting the 85% of my stomach to make Haggis.

lol, that is fricken hilarious! I wish I would have thought of that in the hospital, my wife would have chuckled.

I think that is a good example of the difference between men and women. Self-deprecating humor like that always seems to piss off the sensitive types. Some men are that way, but is it far more prevalent among women. Think about it: you have three guys who are friends in a group. One bald, one fat, and one missing a front tooth. They will call each other awful names like Shiner, Hoss, and Snaggletooth. If they were women, they would wait until one went to the bathroom and call her bitch, skank, or tramp.

My wife can't stand being around too many women for long. I told her I just don't understand it. She told me to stop trying. The only people that can understand women, are women. And they hate each other!

As for the support group thing; I just don't know. I have always been the "loner" type. Never ask for help nor confide my feelings with anyone except for my better half. The idea of sharing how I feel with a bunch of people I don't know just goes against my nature. There are sometime when I would like to ask a question of someone who has gone through the same thing, but then I remember that I don't know the context or the perspective of that person. So it is pretty much pointless.

This reminds me, I should post something in the thread someone started about getting angry easily after the surgery...

[Nikasio 59]

My upcoming support group topic is going to be "how to grow an herb garden." Which when I was a kid growing up in Brooklyn meant cousins growing mint, lavender, rosemary, and basil in a useless attempt to cover the fact that they were growing pot in the middle of their tiny backyard jungle. I am going to slip and make some wise ass jokes.

[Rovobay 920]

I was amazed that a woman had not commented on this yet..... it would prove your point I guess. I don't go because they are out of my way and I don't like being social like that!

THIS IS THE MEN'S ROOM.

Stick around. there is helpful supporting info and people on here.

[Jerr_Bear 241]

THIS IS THE MEN'S ROOM.

+1