male only Wife's sex drive

[supportive hubby 42]

I need advice wife got sleeved about 4 months ago and her sex drive never really was there to begin with

And now it just seems like it's completely gone. All I hear is excuses why she doesn't want to have sex I'm getting so angry at her that we starting to constantly disagree on a lot of things

[Jordan861 124]

My suggestion is seduce her. Start flirting, complimenting and noticing openly the changes she is going through. Tell her how fine she looks and how hot she is. Act like a single man trying to win her. Don't use the same "married terms" you look so pretty, use the street terms "your hot" "sexy" and others.

Its just my opinion.

[IcanMakeit 1,318]

This is a difficult situation that will get worse if you let it. I think it's important to try to step back and take a breath when you find yourself feeling angry and frustrated. Then, when you are in a good mood, try wooing your wife in a romantic way, rather than just jumping right to suggesting sex without building up to it. Some women appreciate romance and don't really feel that sexy without it.

I hope you can work this out.

[shizwiz 197]

That is a tough one.

I am in that position now because I am not OK with my weight or body... and I also am experiencing the same low drive as your wife.

It is HARD to feel sexy when all you can see is a body that you yourself aren't happy with. My boyfriend (bless his heart) tells me about 20 times a day how beautiful I am. He rubs lotion on my back for me. He sits out my coffee cup in the morning and puts a K-cup in the machine. He finds little ways to keep us touching or at least keep that feeling of 'I love you' going all the time.

And because of all that, as SOON as I am feel remotely comfortable in my own skin, its on like Donkey Kong!

[Miss Mac 6,261]

Here is a thread with suggestions for re-igniting the fires of passion. My comments are on page three. Read the thread all the way through......it is definitely educational in the dynamics of how women think. You will see that it is not just about getting your sexy back - it is about beginning a new courtship with the new person your wife is becoming.

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/314910-miserable-relationship-sucks/page-3?hl=%2Bmistress#entry3558520

[supportive hubby 42]

I tell her how i really notice that she is loosing weight and looking "GOOD" and I give her the growling noise and tell her I want her. And she just looks at me and rolls her eyes and I also tried talking to her in a calm way and explain to her how it's not just the sex I need from her it's the connection and the feeling of being the needed ..not just for paying the bills and and taking care of the kids the house etc. This situation has been going on since we got married 12 yrs ago ..I just feel like a roommate

[shizwiz 197]

@@supportive hubby I am sorry to hear that I just finished the thread that Miss Mac posted and it was VERY helpful and gave me some excellent insights.

I sincerely hope you talk with your wife and see what is going on and work on rebuilding that healthy sex life! Maybe you can let her catch you reading 50 Shades of Grey around the house and peak her curiosity! Shoot, I would be jaw dropped if my S.O. did that!

[supportive hubby 42]

Shizwiz I don't want to offend you but help me understand this

Us guys have to wait till you lady's are "ready" and that could be months or years but when you lady's are ready .You expect us to drop our pants and go ! But in the mean time you expect us to love you and never get frustrated with you and turn off our sex drive till its time to turn it on. . Isn't that being selfish. .?

[supportive hubby 42]

And when we say we need you ...you say we are being selfish.

When we know darn well you are gonna be pleasured first. .at least in my book. .and we treat you like your our queen .When we feel like you treated us as your king

[shizwiz 197]

@@supportive hubby No offense taken I can't really speak to your situation, though. There has been only one or two times where my boyfriend was in the mood when I wasn't where i just flat out refused. Most of the time, when I wasn't in the mood, I would say 'to hell with it' and go for it.....and I wasn't disappointed. Sometimes, I didn't even get pleasure entirely, but making my man happy made me feel good. However, I think both of our drives are low due to our weight. In other words, while I am overweight, so is he...and that does not help sexy time!

It sounds like you are feeling a little resentful that your wife isn't in the mood as much as you are (or ever), and that is completely understandable. I mean, we are only human, right?! I would suggest seeking professional insight and guidance; or at the very least a deep and lengthy conversation with your wife to get to the bottom of the issue. I can only give my personal insight

As for me,I have spoken with my boyfriend about my issues with sex, and the lack of it (as I used to be very, VERY active) and have come to an understanding. I am a very open person. He knows how I feel, and I know how he feels...and it is known what each other wants. We will get there one day, too

I'm rootin for ya!

[supportive hubby 42]

Thank you. Your insight helps a lot it's just so frustrating I told earlier how good she looked even in pj's and how wanted so much to bend her over and take her. While she was wrapping Xmas presents and she said she could not understand how she looked so good with pj's on and hair messed up and I said cus you are looking so dam hot and if I stay in this room I'm gonna have take care of myself

[supportive hubby 42]

She laughed and said just not right now. I know she's working long hours and she's exhausted when she gets home so I try to have everything taken care of when she gets home and this week I'm on vacation to spend time with the kids and her so I'm hoping for some action. .If not I'm gonna have carpel tunnel in my wrist lol

[teacherlady2133 258]

Being married 16 years I would suggest that sex in relationships goes in stages... Sometimes very hot and other times cold as ice... This surgery changed my body, but most, it changed my mental state... How I see myself and constantly trying to be comfortable in my own skin, gets exhausting...Being a 38 year old woman and trying to find yourself like a 6grader plays with your mind...I am

8 months post-op and 135 down...so 4 months is still new to this all...

I would suggest making it not all about her looks and focus on the changes.. What about her personality, the way she makes you laugh.. The strength to work the way she does...the joy she brings you everyday...

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Stop making it about sex. Stop the growling and the innuendos -- to me that's a huge turn off. She's not a pleasure object, she's a living, thinking, feeling human being. Men might find that a turn on, but as a woman, I do not. I am all for the playing and teasing and groping when it's appropriate, but it's not always appropriate and if she is feeling fragile (and I'm sure she is), now is NOT the time.

Seduce her mind. Cook her dinner and clean up without talking about how you cooked and cleaned. Rub her feet and back without expecting sex. Tell her how beautiful you've always found her, with no emphasis on how much better she looks now. Stop hounding her for sex because that is NOT going to work, I guarantee it.

Bring her flowers if she's into that, or maybe a bottle of wine. Talk to her about her day and actually listen. Touch her face, her hair, her shoulder without going for her boob or her ass.

Move slowly. You are frustrated, probably with good reason. She's hormonal, going through some major physical changes and probably pissed at herself because she doesn't want sex.

I have no doubts she is feeling VERY insecure about how her body WAS, how her body IS right now and how her body is going to turn out when she reaches her weight. YOU think she is beautiful, desirable, and highly sexable. She doesn't feel that way about herself right now and the words "I want to bend you over" make things "porn star" and so NOT emotional. I'm not putting down your efforts, I have NO DOUBT you love her and you want her to know that, but your method is not working right now, so change gears.

Love her through this, don't try to SEX her through this. Emotionally supportive will get you laid faster than middle school groping, ass grabs and comments, I promise you.

Edited December 22, 2014 by LipstickLady

[tomi71 581]

I need advice wife got sleeved about 4 months ago and her sex drive never really was there to begin with

And now it just seems like it's completely gone. All I hear is excuses why she doesn't want to have sex I'm getting so angry at her that we starting to constantly disagree on a lot of things

If this is an option, maybe try couples counseling? It could all be simply a medical thing affecting her libido but a licensed counselor can give you both an objective outlet to express your feelings, needs, wants...etc.

Please don't be angry at her. Not saying your feelings are wrong...just saying that anger in this case doesn't seem to help.

Sorry that you guys are going through this. Hope all works out. ☺️