Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Divorce after plastic surgery and/or bariatric surgery



Recommended Posts

@@Alex Brecher did your weight loss surgery have anything to do with your divorce?

Nope, we had a toxic marriage from day numero uno. I believe WLS didn't have an effect one way or the other.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I guess I am one of the "lucky" ones as well...my hubby is the sweetest man alive! He is always there for me...we were together when I was 350 pounds and he never felt me feel "less" than beautiful...tho I regularly tell him to get his eyes checked!!! As seen by our wedding picture on my home page where I was just after surgery and down 50 pounds... we were together for 8 years before we got married...and I really didn't care if we did or didn't...he wanted it more. :) ...at our age, I didn't really care anymore.

He is always taking care of me in more ways that there are letters in the alphabet...he is supportive and loving ... so I do believe it is all about who you are on the inside... if you are in a good, healthy relationship, you can weather any storm, including bariatrics!

Find your own voice.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My ex husband told me constantly through our 7 years together and two pregnancies and two beautiful children, from 140 lbs to 240 lbs, that I need to lose weight, that I was to fat for him. That he hated the way I walked so loud, was lazy, I need to get active, he just wanted the best for me and to be healthy! He said he was embarrassed of me, said he pretended is was still pregnant to cope with my body, said my clothing disgusted him.

I finally, after years trying to lose weight ( which he would constantly sabotage with a plate full of cookies) asked him what he thought about me having wls. He said if I ever did he would downright leave me because it was cheating and taking the easy, lazy way out.

So guess what? About half a year ago, I dropped him like the stone of shit he was and NEVER LOOKED BACK.

I had wls surgery this month and I am so happy I did. And him? He texts me at least once a week begging for me to come back!! Which I will never never do.

Life is long. Love should not be about settling. Pick a person who brings out the best in you and supports your life and has your happiness truly at heart. Love should be about more than a persons body.

And there are so many fish in the sea!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So, I have been reading some of the stories on here and reflecting on them and my own story and have come to a very very basic conclusion.

I think we need to choose an authentic life for ourselves. I believe God intended for us to be coupled, but here in the modern world, that just isn't so important anymore. I would rather be living an life authentic for me, than coupled with someone just for the sake of having a man in my life.

There are a lot of fish in the sea, and they (like us) are terribly flawed and imperfect. The question is - is there someone out there who you can have a real relationship with, where you make each others lives better - while still living the life you want.

I personally sometimes have sadness over the DECADES I compromised to obesity. It is like a drug addict who wakes up and says "what have I done? How have I wasted so many very good years on not fully living?" I didn't see it that way when I was obese, but I do now.

I am seriously, seriously, seriously, going through a lot of thoughts about my life right now and what I want it to be going forward. I am dating someone I am pretty crazy about, but i have this little hesitation... like... is this the path that will allow me to remain authentic, physcially fit, active, emotionally healthy etc. It is nothing against him - super good guy - but I just need to think very hard about those questions because my tolerance for just accepting "good enough" is pretty non existent.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am so very sorry that the man who loved you treated you this way. I can imagine how very much it hurt. And I am so so so very proud of you for having the courage and self respect to leave him. You are unstoppable now. Don't let anything hold you back from following your dreams.

My ex husband told me constantly through our 7 years together and two pregnancies and two beautiful children, from 140 lbs to 240 lbs, that I need to lose weight, that I was to fat for him. That he hated the way I walked so loud, was lazy, I need to get active, he just wanted the best for me and to be healthy! He said he was embarrassed of me, said he pretended is was still pregnant to cope with my body, said my clothing disgusted him.

I finally, after years trying to lose weight ( which he would constantly sabotage with a plate full of cookies) asked him what he thought about me having wls. He said if I ever did he would downright leave me because it was cheating and taking the easy, lazy way out.

So guess what? About half a year ago, I dropped him like the stone of **** he was and NEVER LOOKED BACK.

I had wls surgery this month and I am so happy I did. And him? He texts me at least once a week begging for me to come back!! Which I will never never do.

Life is long. Love should not be about settling. Pick a person who brings out the best in you and supports your life and has your happiness truly at heart. Love should be about more than a persons body.

And there are so many fish in the sea!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am going through a similar process, a spiritual journey. I did a guided meditation recently and it was extremely powerful. And I've been reading, at the suggestion of a spiritual advisor whom I have connected with very well, the book Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. There also are helpful resources on the web about self love and self awareness and self trust. In fact there is an LCSW who writes for Bariatric Pal who has some very good articles and advice (I forget her name but she works with a bariatric center). And I found a video series on YouTube by Debbie Spellman about the 7 Steps to Self Love https://www.youtube.com/user/DebbieSpellmanTV. I like that she gives you exercises to do.

A few friends have highly recommended a silent retreat to get in touch with yourself. I plan to do that outdoors when the weather is warmer.

I hope some of this is helpful!

So, I have been reading some of the stories on here and reflecting on them and my own story and have come to a very very basic conclusion.

I think we need to choose an authentic life for ourselves. I believe God intended for us to be coupled, but here in the modern world, that just isn't so important anymore. I would rather be living an life authentic for me, than coupled with someone just for the sake of having a man in my life.

There are a lot of fish in the sea, and they (like us) are terribly flawed and imperfect. The question is - is there someone out there who you can have a real relationship with, where you make each others lives better - while still living the life you want.

I personally sometimes have sadness over the DECADES I compromised to obesity. It is like a drug addict who wakes up and says "what have I done? How have I wasted so many very good years on not fully living?" I didn't see it that way when I was obese, but I do now.

I am seriously, seriously, seriously, going through a lot of thoughts about my life right now and what I want it to be going forward. I am dating someone I am pretty crazy about, but i have this little hesitation... like... is this the path that will allow me to remain authentic, physcially fit, active, emotionally healthy etc. It is nothing against him - super good guy - but I just need to think very hard about those questions because my tolerance for just accepting "good enough" is pretty non existent.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@CowgirlJane

OK, this is going to sound like big fat mush. It describes my experience. As always, others' may vary.

But if you find someone who LOVES you -- really, really, really loves you -- and he is a good man, by which I mean a really, really, really good person who's generous, kind, optimistic, honest, modest, responsible and a hard worker, who wants you to live your own authentic life and supports your goals but doesn't try to control the life you have chosen for yourself, who doesn't want to change you, and who wants his OWN authentic life and wants your support, but will resist your controlling him and his life, who will stand up for himself just like you stand up for yourself, who takes joy in everything that gives you joy ... then he just might be Mr. Right for you.

I also think that this dangerous thing called love is something for which you have to pray for the best luck that could happen to you and then be open to recognizing when your prayers have been answered.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I went thru a divorce 16 yrs ago...after being married for 20 yrs. having his 2 beautiful children I was never physically in appearance good enuff from then on..even back then when I got married at 16 I weighed 106 pds. by my mid 20s an after 2 kids I went from a 6 to a 14/16..he always made digs of comments he wished he could count my ribs again...he was very insecure but I sure dont call him a man (per say)...I have been remarried to my best friend for 16 yrs..he has been there for me thru thick an thin an I mean from 180 pds to 270 some pds! he has always called me beautiful an sexy. (I was the one insecure about looks now) but he has supported me every day! loves me like no other ever. If its true, take a relationship serious an honestly works together to make it work with NO excuses or any way outs it will work regardless of physical appearance. this man of mine is a true man..my ex was totally insecure an a womanizer. (from the getgo)...I hate it when I hear of others marriages ending when a spouse is trying to do something for themselves..especially in this way .best wishes all...:)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

exactly..my hubs has been my biggest supportor for 15 yrs now. we both were previously married to ppl for 20 yrs an they cared less about us. werent appreciated. but this man of mine I hear ya when you say yours is the best...I have one also. yesterday he grabbed my arm as I was walking by the sofa an said come here..very sweetly..an I said what? I sat on his lap and he keeps reassuring me how beautiful I am. I said you know..you have seen me at my worst! I ballooned up to almost 275 or so (health diseases) hashis is relentless...but he said he would support me in whatever decision I made concerning the WLS or not. I did it..he said he was soo proud of me an that it took guts an courage to go thru this! he said a persons beauty starts on the inside. he has told me this all these yrs. we are best friends. when we got married I was around 180 or so got up in weight an now back down so its almost a 100 pd weight loss. he cant keep his hands off me! lol...bless his heart! I luv this man to the moon an back. he wants to take care of me an does with his whole being. we take our relationship seriously. we are committed to make it work. we are in our 50s now. an loving it. I have already been thru the 10 yrs of talk therapy. we have been thru the highs an lows..there will always be highs an lows. I did this WLS for ME. MY health an I knew it would only enhance us...he did say he was going to have to be my body guard..haha..luv this man!! we grocery shop together 95% of the time so we do great on what choices we together make an bring in the house... :)..my therapy was to get to the bottom of my past relationship an yrs thru it...it helped soo much!! then I knew I could move on an not turn to food.

I guess I am one of the "lucky" ones as well...my hubby is the sweetest man alive! He is always there for me...we were together when I was 350 pounds and he never felt me feel "less" than beautiful...tho I regularly tell him to get his eyes checked!!! As seen by our wedding picture on my home page where I was just after surgery and down 50 pounds... we were together for 8 years before we got married...and I really didn't care if we did or didn't...he wanted it more. :) ...at our age, I didn't really care anymore.

He is always taking care of me in more ways that there are letters in the alphabet...he is supportive and loving ... so I do believe it is all about who you are on the inside... if you are in a good, healthy relationship, you can weather any storm, including bariatrics!

Find your own voice.

Edited by blondebomb

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It is so nice to hear of such supportive and loving spouses, esp. in second marriages. It gives me hope for the future!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It is so nice to hear of such supportive and loving spouses, esp. in second marriages. It gives me hope for the future!

Ditto!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Second marriages are the best! You're both so much wiser the second time around.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×