Friend sabotaging me?

[briefs199 337]

I have told only a friend at work and my husband about my plan to be banded. Really I told the friend at work because I eat lunch with her at least 1-2x a week. Also she is overweight as well. She was diagnosed with diabetes 2 years ago. However I probably have more weight to lose but don't have any issues like she has.

Probably luck.

I noticed when I told her she was shocked and didn't ask any questions. I thought it was weird.

Then the other day I asked her to go to a salad place for lunch. She balked and we went for sushi. She told me how she would support me and realized our lunches would change after surgery. I thought....wow that is so nice and unlike her original response. But she told me that she had lost 80lbs at some point and could have kept it off if only she didn't have kids and get married. I told her that statistically most people will not keep that weight off so she shouldn't feel bad about it. No, she insisted, she could have kept it off.

The next day she called me up to tell me about this awesome all you can eat Pasta place she went to. When I finally asked her to not go into it anymore bc I was trying to go low carb she seemed offended. Then we went to lunch at a salad place (she balked but I insisted) she asked me why didn't I get bread. I reminded her that I was going low carb. She went on and on about the bread and could I go get bread so she could eat it...it was bizarre. I told her no.

So then I started thinking maybe subconsciously she is sabotaging me. Anyone else have a similar experience?

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

It seems to me like it is a tug of war...Phone the Pasta place and ask what is on the menu..they may very will have salads and other types of carbs. Like complex to make a complete Protein for your healthy eating program.

Tug of war will only force a conflict. She knows what your doing and you know what she is doing. She felt safe with you being close to her weight and eating what she was eating...Sorta like fellows in crime thing....

I am so proud of you for wanting to get healthy. Trust me you won't regret it... But your friend is not ready and knows that she is going to be faced with all the reasons why she herself is not going there.. It is a hard road to follow when you see others change in front of you...

Is she a good friend that you don't want to lose....Then be gentle unless it comes to a battle of wills...Then it will be up to you to decide if the friendship will still be worth it..

If a person does not support you then they are not a friend....

Edited July 24, 2014 by RJ'S/beginning

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Almost anyplace you go will have salads or something healthy on the menu. Even the very rare times there was only a Mcdonalds nearby, I still was able to get a really good grilled chicken salad. You have decided to get WLS to get healthy ( good for you !) but remember, your friend has not. Yet, you still have to work together, and have a healthy friendship. Sooooo, there maybe be some difficult changes and challenges in that work friendship. Be prepared , it will probably cause some difficulties, so " choose your battles wisely". If worse comes to worse, remember that there are 21 meals in a week, and if you have to go to a place occasionaly that she wants to go to, one unhealthy meal a week wont kill you. Best of luck to you !

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

you cant worry about whatever anyone does or says

you EAT/DRINK what works for YOU...maybe you will be an example to her who knows.

YOU control how others make you feel..

this is about YOU getting your health back....best of luck.

[lisacaron 5,075]

When we choose to have WLS we do this for ourselves because we want to make a change in our life and in our life style as well. Things about your lives from the moment we make that decision will slowly change, and we do in many ways become different. We may always be "who we are" but new sides of our lives are revealed and they may not jive with all our "old" friends. Some people aren't able to accept changes readily.

Try not to judge your friend, or ask her to change her ways to accommodate your choices. Remember my friend that this is your choice and your journey, and you can make it work. No matter where you go there will always be that "temptation" and you can overcome that. Be prepared when you venture out or stay in. Look up menu's ahead of time and make your choice in your mind before you get there and when you do follow through.

If your salad comes with bread ask your friend if she would like it and if not then discard it or ask the waiter/waitress to take it away or eliminate it all together.

When I was first banded there were loads of events that I had to attend, both family and work events. I did not let my surgery stop me from attending and I did not compromise my surgery because of the events. I made sure that I as covered. I purchased a lovely cooler bag and put my shakes in it to bring with me to make sure I had my nutrition. Today I still bring my "lunch" box with me to work and out and about to make sure I always have what I need to keep me healthy and happy and not incontinence anyone else because of my dietary restrictions.

WLS is a life style change, and eventually it becomes a part of your life and how you live it and you won't think twice about it you will just be you doing your thing

[Lady VS 1,147]

Hi there I totally agree with RJ and Lisa. I don't feel she is sabotaging you, it's a matter of her used to you guys eating and drinking the same things. However as Lisa said, this is Your journey and not Hers. You are going to have to have a heart to heart with her and tell her you need her support in this and if she can't support you wanting to change then you may have to suggest not eating out with her anymore if you feel it necessary. I hope it doesn't come to that but it's all about you and your health. Best of luck to you.

[briefs199 337]

Thanks everyone!

[dawalsh 919]

Don't worry, your friend is not sabotaging you. I think she thinks she may lose you as a friend. There are always compromises that can be made on both sides of the fence.

I'm sure it will all work out and good luck to you!

[labwalker 1,177]

She is sabotaging herself, and using you as an excuse. You've accepted your weight, and you've decided what is needed to start on a journey to a more healthy lifestyle, and to improve your self esteem. Your friend is in denial, and I doubt that she wants to anything for herself, and that she really doesn't care about your well being, physically or emotionally. You don't need friends like that, at least not for dining companions!