Husband says no to me having surgery!

[Mich4351 4]

My date is set for October 6th, I'm all prepared, I'm educated, I'm committed, I had the support of everyone including my husband after explaining the procedure! Then I took my husband to the "doctor talk" yesterday and he now feels this surgery is not for me. Talk about feeling like having the rug pulled out from under me!

He's stuck on the 60% success rate figure, he feels it's too invasisve, and that it's too much work. He wants me to go back to the gym and weight watchers instead. While I know the surgery is NOT an easy fix, I feel it's the right tool for me after years of struggling with weight. We are having healthy discussions about this. We have the most loving and wonderful relationship so I see his concerns. Now I need to advice on how to combat his concerns.

I've struggled with my weight for 30 years, up and down, never getting lower than 170. I was successful with Weight Watchers and working out, that got me to the 170 (from 252)....but it took forever! Now I'm back at 200 and after years of trying every diet out there, I was hoping this was the final tool which could get me to the thin place I want to be. I want to be healthier, do things with my husband into our later years (I"m 54 now), and it seems my weight is what holds me back. I do not have self esteem issues, I dress well and present myself well, I just know being thinner is healthier and I want this more than ever!

Does anyone have any advice for me on how to go about presenting my case? I plan on setting up another appointment with the doctor as a one on one, in hopes that he can be further educated. Thoughts anyone?

[Shastasmom 24]

Sorry your hubby's not on board. I've had the same struggles as you for the past 35 years. Yo yo dieting and always regaining.

My husband is totally on board and will be traveling with my to TJ Mexico on sept 3rd for my sleeve.

Tell your husband that you need his support, you've researched this and this is the best solution. Also tell him that 95% of all diets fail. I'm not sure where your Dr came up with that stat. I've never heard of a 60% failure rate. Maybe ask the Dr. For clarification?

Good luck! Hopefully your husband will come around. In the end it's your body and your decision.

[Forsythia 882]

I think he is interpreting the 60% wrong. You can expect to lose 50% to 60% of your excess body weight. Many many people lose more if they stick with the diet and add in exercise as well. There are tons of people on here who have lost all of their excess body weight with commitment and kept it off. So if you are 100 lbs overweight, you can expect to lose 50 to 60 lbs. That's not failure at all. If you are 210 lbs, 60 lbs puts you at 150 lbs.

I've already lost over 60 lbs in just under 3 months. I am at my lowest weight as an adult in over a decade. My diabetes is basically gone. My blood pressure is normal. My aches and pains in my knees are significantly reduced. I go to the gym 5 days a week and am fully committed to this.

[playlikeworldchamps 595]

60% is the average amount of excess weight loss not the success rate. so if you are average and 100 lbs overweight you lose 60 pounds ON AVERAGE. someone as hardworking and diligent as you will blow right past average! I have lost 97% of my excess weight and I plan on getting to 100%

with diet alone the percentage lost by the time people gain it back is much much worse.

[par1959 470]

If I was your husband the 85% divorse rate after you loose the weight would be more of a concern, or not? 60% is the statistic used to describe how much excess weight is lost by the average person that under goes this surgery. It has nothing to do with remission back to your current weight. Have you husband actually read the statistics. In my case, at 2 weeks out I was off all medications. At 7 weeks my knees no longer hurt when walking up or down stairs. The fatality rate is close to having a tooth pulled at .01%. Complications are low if you go to a good surgeon. My surgeon has had one leak and no deaths. He has been doing bariatric surgery for over 10 years at about 500 surgeries in the last year alone. This surgery is all about you. Dont let others interfer if its your decision.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

My husband and I are 67 and both sleeved 8 months ago. His lifetime of being obese broke my heart. We went to WL seminars so long ago, but it never felt right. A seminar in June 2013, the right surgeon, and the fact that we were both fighting diabetes and HBP, his heart problems, my joint replacement, and my asthma, was the right time. We both chose the sleeve. There is nothing hard about it. We have had no problem with the sleeve. I was at the grocery store 2 days after surgery, and at the mall 5 days later. I was in the hospital approximately 24 hours. I seriously wondered if I had surgery because I felt so good, and needed no pain meds at home. The neuropathy in my feet is gone. He is down 100 lbs. Once you begin having all the co-morbidities, you cannot undo them. You can control them with weight loss, however. I hold the record for the most money paid to Weight Watchers, along with my family. My husband was on the liquid Optifast diet twice in his life, for two 1-year periods, costing several thousand dollars losing 100 lbs. each time, only to regain it. We sat in our recliners prior to surgery, for a year, feeling like hell. We have just traveled from Florida to Kansas, then to West Virginia, a 7 day cruise to the Caribbean, and next is New Orleans next month. We are kayaking. We thought our life was reduced to the recliners, but the sleeve has changed that. Yes, it is scary, and your husband is scared. My husband was terrified but he followed me into it. Today he is thankful. He is happier than I have ever seen him. He has given away the 1X, 2X and 3X clothes he saved for decades (true!), and has a new wardrobe, fits in an XL. We would do it again in a heartbeat. Hope this helps.

[onlybroomegirl 250]

I'm glad he loves you & is concerned! I think the one on one with the dr is a great idea. Sounds like you have your eyes wide open. My husband didn't want me to have surgery for years. He works in a hospital & our insurance covers the surgery. He became more receptive after seeing some of his co workers living normal lives post surgery. I believe he is worried for you. It should help when he receives more information. I'm 5 months post op, down 91lbs which is 75% of my excess body weight! I'm down to 1/2 of a blood pressure pill (was previously on 4) have had no diabetes meds since 1 day preop & have a normal A1c, & my liver enzymes are normal! They said that would be the last thing to correct itself. Buying & wearing smaller sizes is great but it in no way compares to the health benefits I've experienced. I do feel its best to make sure he is as comfortable as possible with the process. If you developed complications that would be so much harder on him. Best of luck to you!

[pegcrain 7]

My husband, too, didn't want me to have the sleeve...he felt it was an unnecessary surgery. But I did it anyway and he came to the surgical center and was with me and is very thoughtful of me. So he rose to the occasion! Yes, he was worried because it is surgery and didn't want anything untoward happening to me. He will reap the rewards of this surgery for a long time to come!!

Edited July 24, 2014 by pegcrain

[Tamlyn 107]

Do you think he's maybe worried about you now that it's gotten to be more "real" to him because you're actually visiting the doctor? My husband has been totally supportive, and he said he'd support whatever choice I made. But I've noticed as my date has gotten closer, he's definitely getting more anxious.

[BeagleLover 1,020]

In the final analysis, it is YOUR decision. You don't need his permission. Since you are so close, you are doing him a great service by taking the step that will help you live longer and better. It is YOUR health.