Back in 2006, I decided I wanted the lap-band. I thought it would make me happy. Back then, I was always looking for something to make me happy. Little did I know, happiness does not come from things.

But I digress. I had the surgery in March 2006. My husband, at the time, didn't even go with me. He went to work. My mom took me to the hospital and drove me home. The surgery and recovery went smooth (from what I can remember), but problems started pretty soon after.

I went in for my first fill, and I have no idea how much they put in, but I was so sick. Went back, and they took a little out. Still sick. Even liquids hurt. I went back and I think they unfilled me and only left 1 cc in. I could finally keep stuff down.

Then life happened. New job, separated from the husband. I never went back - the band was really the last thing on my mind.

Over the years, I really didn't notice much - except the port. I hate the port. It's usually bruised around the area because I catch it on things. Did I mention I hate the port? I did loose about 65 lbs, but I equated that to the anxiety with what was going on in life.

Over the years, it has all come back. I got a divorce, was laid off twice from work, then got an offer I couldn't refuse and moved to a different state for a job. Talk about turmoil. All that 65 lbs is back....and then some. I have high triglycerides, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and pre-diabetes. It's crazy.

About 3 years ago, the band started giving me issues. Or at least I think it's the band. My stomach is always "sour." Food is getting stuck all the time - even very mushy food. Now, I've developed pain under my left rib cage. Did I mention again how much I hate the port? Of course, I have just dealt with it. A little out of embarrassment for telling doctors that I have the lap band...and oh, btw, I weigh 245 lbs. My mom has urged me over and over to get it removed, and I just made excuses.

Until now.

Now is the time. I find myself finally feeling settled. I have a successful career, two happy kids, secure finances and most importantly, not seeking happiness in things, or trying to find it in other people.

The only thing that is holding me back is my weight. I'm finding myself more comfortable at home in my pjs, then out with friends. I don't want to go to the boys' school functions, because I'm afraid of being the fattest mom there. The first thing I do when I walk in a room is search out anybody else who may be heavier than me. It's a terrible trap.

So, I started researching getting the lap band out, because of the health issues, and found story after story sounding the same, and a lot of folks going from band to sleeve. I'm very excited that there may be another option (besides bypass) for me. I never even thought of it.

This is me starting the journey again - with more knowledge and a settled heart.

Blessings~

Red